A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Sorry this is really long.. Basically I really liked a guy who's in the army we used to speak alot and always kept in touch and got on really well we could talk about everything. He asked to take me out 2years ago and went on a date, I dint sleep with him because I dint want him to use me just for that. He used to ask me if Iv been meeting other lads, always took interest in my life and his friends knew about me etc. The thing is he said to me last year before he went to afghan he can't be with me because of his job (which I do understand), he told me I see what it does to the other lads that have girlfriends and I don't want that but when I finish afghan I'm leaving and we'll see how it goes... I thought that's fair enough, He went to afghan 8month ago and the night before he went he nagged me to go see him so I went to his house (I dint sleep with him) we had a nice night was allover eachother the next day I went downstairs he was layed on the couch I said I'm going take care, he said bye but wouldn't look at me, he put on facebook an hour later them goodbyes were so hard obviously means his mum but not sure he was meaning me to. I messaged him once while he was there just to say happy new year and wanted him to know I was still thinking of him, he replied happy new year, I didnt get in touch again I know he's got to be 100% focused on his job and he was going out there to war and the last thing he needs is to be thinking about a girl back home! He came back and got in touch with me the same day he got his fone back. I was soo happy we spoke nearly everyday and he text me and told me he was signing of (I think they give a years notice) which he said he was going to do. I asked him to meet me I was having a few people round at mine so he came with his friend but I was really quiet all night his friend said he was to because he liked me. Everyone ended up going home and he text me saying what's up with you come to mine I'll pay you a taxi. so I did. While I was there he asked if I'd been meeting anyone else I said if you wanted me to wait for you you should have said he told me I don't want u to wait for me,I was really drunk and ended up telling him how much I like him, he seemed shocked and he said I do too your a nice looking lass what do you see in me? He also said the same thing that his job is the reason he can't be with me he seemed genuinely upset and give me a cuddle we ended up sleeping together.After that I went home I don't want to have feelings for someone who is emotionally unavailable, I saw him the week after in the pub,he ignored me I was so annoyed!!! His mates were speaking to me and he seemed abit jealous and told his mate to come back over to him. I was so mad at the end of the night I ended up getting a taxi with his friend to his house (I was realy drunk and pissed off I know I did it to try and get at him. Imature but I did!). The next day he asked his friend if he slept with me and he said no.He was really moody with me for a few week after I got really pissed off and deleted him of facebook.That was about a month ago, iv seen him since and he wouldn't look at me, I tried speaking to him last week and he told me to fuck off! I know he's mad he's never spoke to me like that before. Iv been so upset I don't think he will ever speak to me again I feel so guilty for going back to his mates house I just wanted to know if he cared and I felt used, I think iv totally ruined it, I just want to know if he will ever forgive me or speak to me again? I know no one will know and but I'm always thinking of him and if he's thinking of me and if he'll ever get in touch, I shouldn't care but ido, iv lost his trust, my friends say move on but I do miss him alot
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 September 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi thankyou for your reply I know your right I think what I'm wanting is some sort of closure, I know he still cares, but I was never with him in the first place, obviously we had feelings for each other but I think I should move on I don't think we will ever be the saame again. It still upsets me to think maybe he doesn't care or won't speak to me.
A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (19 July 2012):
 He is not only emotionally unavailable, but unstable too. Saying you like each other, sleeping together does not count as a relationship. He told you not to wait. It was his choice that he invited you over that night and he developped an attachment for you but that's not your problem. A feeling of attachment and possessiveness still won't give you a relationship. You did nothing wrong ignoring him back at the pub and he had no right to be angry that you went to his mates' house. There is nothing to forgive here. Don't lower yourself to accomodate him anymore.
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