A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:I am probably just freaking out for no reason... but I've been so worried today. Long story short - I dated a guy last summer... got too involved too fast (the sex happened after about two weeks)... and as a result, he didn't want anything to do with me after that. A month ago I met a wonderful guy. We have gone out once a week since Jan. 9. The rest of the week, we talk on the phone almost every day. Last night, he shared a lot of info with me about his last relationship - apparently she quit being interested in sex for the last year of the relationship. Things got pretty involved between us when he brought me home... a lot of kissing for about an hour. I told him that I really think a lot of him, but want to be careful and not make any mistakes like I have done in the past and that I am really attracted to him, but am afraid for the sex to happen too soon. He was really nice, and told me to call him Sunday (today). Kind of strange, because he is the one who always calls me. I have tried since before noon - left 3 messages and I've heard nothing. Do you think he was put off that I didn't want to have sex yet with him? I don't know what the right amount of time to wait is... and I feel to blame that I let the kissing go on that long and didn't have sex. Am I wrong? I know it's soon, but I really feel that I love him already. I just don't want him to think I'm not a respectable girl (old fashioned, I guess). But also don't want him to think I'm like his ex and not interested in sex (or that I'm a tease).
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 February 2010): The thing is you do not really know what is going through his head.
You have phoned him and left messages and as yet he has not rung you back, so like the other two Aunts say, I wouldn't ring again.
You are tying yourself up in knots about the fact you didn't have sex, with him. My advice to to have sex if you want to, not if you think it is the right or wrong time.
A
female
reader, Lexie88  +, writes (8 February 2010):
 You did nothing wrong, don't ever think that. And do not ever think you're to blame for not doing something you did not want to do.
You've only been seeing this guy for a month now. No matter what your age is, if you're not ready and comfortable to have sex with him, then you're not...no questions asked. Even if you were naked and about to have sex, you still have every right to stop...and don't let guys intimidate you by calling you a tease...they only do that because their egos are hurt and they didn't get what they wanted.
Don't call him anymore. He should call you, you've left 3 messages already.
So what if he's upset you won't have sex with him yet? Is he a little kid who gets upset when he doesn't get what he wants? If he is, then you're better off without him.
If he's into you for who you are, having or not having sex at this point in your relationship should not matter much. He should be able to stick with it a bit more if he wants this to go somewhere.
And in the end, don't play games either by waiting to have sex. There is no right or wrong time to wait. You do it when you're comfortable with the guy and when YOU want to do it, regardless of what he will think or how things will turn out. You have sex because you want to. When you reach that stage, that's the time you do it.
And if you never hear from him again or if things go pear shaped from here on? Guess what he was after?
I hope it all works out for you. All the best.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 February 2010): You're allowed to makeout without having sex. If you are not ready to have sex then don't feel pressured. We need more old fashioned people in the world. I am in my late twenties and worried about getting into a relationship and have sexual relation with someone due to the fact that so many people sleep around. How do you ask a guy if he is a man hore without him getting offended? It seriously freaks me out.
As for calling him. Three times in too much. Don't call him again. You don't want to look desperate. Stick to your guns. Think of the advice you would give to your daughter. If he really likes you he will call you back, and will wait a while. It won't kill him to wait.
Good luck
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