A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:First, my husband works on the pipeline, so he is gone for 3 weeks and then home for 3 weeks. This time, he worked for 8 weeks so he's been gone since july. We talk on the phone every night so I thought everything was fine, he was just working 16 hr days. So he got home and a few days later I was talking to my new female friend on the phone and he asked me if she was my new lesbian girlfriend (no...she's not), and if she was, that was okay with him. Then last night, he told me he wants to go on a 1-month trip hopping trains across Canada with his friend from the old days (they spent 10 yrs hopping trains), and he doesn't care what I think or not because his life with me and the kids is "boring and tedious" and he's going whether I like it or not. Two hours later he came into the house (we were outside) and got mad because I hadn't done the dinner dishes and then told me it was over!I don't know what to think! It seems like I can't do anything right in this relationship. No matter how hard I try, it's never enough.
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (26 September 2012):
 something is wrong somewhere...
see an attorney to protect yourself and the kids....
he's setting it up that he's going to leave...you need to be prepared to protect yourself and the kids.
A
female
reader, oldbag  +, writes (26 September 2012):
 Hi
Yes I do think he has been cheating, he was away 8 weeks this time not 3, I know thats not solid evidence but the fact he has returned home and is 'bored', has picked silly arguments with you and then decided its over. I think the trip away is a fairytale too and he probably just wanted free time so dreamed up this holiday.
His whole attitude towards you is direspectful, and his lack of love towards his children also.He is the one here who is tedious and behaving like a spoilt teenager.Your the one holding the home together and raising his children.
Get your self organised, get a good lawyer, get rid of him.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 September 2012): Let him go, he honestly doesn't deserve you or the kids. He's acting like a selfish brat, with what he wants, he doesn't care how you feel or the kids, just let him get on with it. I know you love him and you don't want to be without him, but if you try and make him stay or even try the make over routine, he's still gonna wanta go.. So let him.. I think you need to look at what you really want when he's gone..If it was me, I'd make sure the kids were financial taken care of by him, I'd get a job.. And I'd be of to see a lawyer... I'd tell him you made your choice and I'll make mine, no matter how much I loved him I would never forgive that he could put his wants in front of the kids,.. What about you.. Motherhood is never easy and I bet you'd like time to swan of when and where you pleased but you don't because you have more moral fibre in your little pinky than he does in his whole body..Let him go.. As by what you posted he gonna go anyway.
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A
female
reader, lover06 +, writes (26 September 2012):
sounds fishy to me , maybe he is cheating on you. I hope he does come to his senses. thou how long have you been married to eachother , 30's sounds young for midlife crisis. does he treat you diferently? no matter what his problem is , he has a wife and kids he has to suck it up. he wants to go have fun with his friends and you are home with your kids, When does he spend time with wife and kids. Oh boy I think wife and kids deserve better.
space it the best think here for you and your kids , you have to be the grown up and strong one at this time . good luck love take care.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 September 2012): he might be cheating. that's hard to say. but the glaring fact is exactly what he told you: he's bored. he's wanting to still feel young and free and experience the joys and the freedoms he had when he was younger and without kids and without a relationship tying him down. with feeling that way, he may start to resent you because he may start to view you as the object in the way of his freedom. you are the boulder around his ankle pulling him under water and drowning him. i'm far from saying he's justified in behaving that way. it's extremely selfish and unfair, especially since you are at home with the kids during all of this. best thing i can suggest, if you want to save the relationship: back off. hard to do when you live together. but give him his freedom and space and start doing things for yourself, too, if at all possible. go out with friends, start hobbies and just get out of the house. act like you don't need him. because right now, if you start to cling, the more he's gonna push you away. he wants his freedom, and you are what's hindering that at the moment. best of luck.
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A
male
reader, eddie85 +, writes (26 September 2012):
 Please accept my condolences.
It would appear to me that during this last lengthy bit of separation he came to the realization that he would be better off without you. I can't comment on whether he cheated or not -- there isn't any evidence to support that claim other from the bit of information that you've given us that he wants to live his life.
If I had to make a guess is that he was out carousing with the boys and he was recalling how much fun he used to have. For 8 weeks he was busy working and reminiscing about the good old days and now that the 8 weeks are over, he wants to relive those days. This sounds like a midlife crisis if there ever was one.
I don't see this as your fault at all and I hope you don't think you did anything wrong. It would appear that the long-distance relationship has eroded the connection you once shared.
I would encourage you to give him some space -- hopefully he'll come to his senses. I'd also encourage you to seek outside help: a therapist, a counselor, a friend, or a clergy member to help sort out what is going on.
Good luck
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A
male
reader, Thadeus74  +, writes (25 September 2012):
Mmh, did you try to talk to him about counseling?Sounds like you two are stuck in a rut, and he's feeling restless. Maybe midlife crisis, maybe something more serious... Did you go out of your way to spice things up between you two, lately? Surprise him, break the routine a bit?Maybe that is what was missing, security and comfort can get asfixiating at times...You two should have a good, level-headed talk about this. If you're both mature enough to do so, and if he's not already freaking out and running away already. If he has an affair, it's just to breal the routine and tediousness, so don't confront him with that. Deal with the boredom, that's the real problem there, not another woman. Good luck!Thadeus
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (25 September 2012):
 Something is definitely up with him.
But nothing you mention is a clear cut "He must be cheating". but it seems like he has left the marriage, at least mentally.
I can't imagine how you two make it work with him being back and forth like that. I'm guessing he feels left out? As I'm pretty sure you are fairly independent and do a lot of stuff with the kids when he is gone.
I suggest you talk to him in a non-confrontational way about what's up with him.
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