A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:My partner and I are both 58. He's widowed 3 years and I'm divorced 11 years.We adore each other.We both have sons in their twenties (all still at home) but he also has a son of 8, a late surprise child.As a result I spend most of my time travelling to my partners house,living out of a suitcase etc. and it's time consuming as I have to catch up with chores when I get home. It makes me feel it's all a bit one sided at times. I've met all his family and friends and been accepted although his sons are a bit cool with me. I think they find it an awkward situation. I don't think it was all wonderful between him and his wife and slowly he seems to be throwing parts of her away.Now a photo has suddenly reappeared by the dining table of him and his wife together and I feel really upset by this.I am beginning to wonder whether he can't let go of the past or maybe I don't understand bereavement. They were together 30 years. He always refers to her as 'You know who' - stopped him doing this, didn't approve of that' etc. and says he wishes he'd met me years ago. I don't really know how to handle the situation or whether to mention the photo to him.What do you people think of all this? Do you think he feels guilty about being with me? Do you think he wishes he was still with her? He says he doesn't think he'd remarry because he'd lose his widows pension and even living together could cause him to lose it as well. I just wonder where this is all leading.
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 December 2010): Three years is still early in the grieving process. If he is telling you that living together would tell you he might loose his pension that doesn't sound like someone who is looking for a serious relationship, If that is what you want then you need to think about what you are doing. As for the pictures of him and his wife coming out again, I think that is a good thing, for the sake of his son, he doesn't want everything of his mother to put away.
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