A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:My Husband of 15 years and 3 children has told me 6 months ago he had a short fling with a very good friend of mine who has since left to live many miles away and has never been in touch with either of us and now I know why? He is been treated for depression and he feels bad at what he has done and has no idea why he did it as she didn't really mean anything to him. It has been on his mind and felt he had to tell me as his Gp told him it might be the cause of his depression. I am hurting badly and I want to stay in the marriage. He says he wants to come to counselling with me. Will it help us to get through this and why it happened?He says this was the first time he ever cheated and assures me it will be the last. Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (27 April 2009): hey! i can tell you from expirience that it will help you! im still attending! the 1st session you guys are gonna have is going to be pretty bad but i assure as time goes by things wil be better hopefully better then before! if you honestly truly love hm then give hm another chance! Good luck on saving your marriage!
A
female
reader, Country Woman +, writes (27 April 2009):
 Sweetheart, what have you got to lose eh!
I went through a very similar situation but my ex didn't have depression, I had though and I pushed him further and further away. I couldn't bear him anywhere near me and it wasn't anything he had done. I had quite severe postnatal depression that wasn't detected for 2 years, I knew something was wrong and had felt uneasy for that 2 years, it wasn't until a close friend of mine lost her little girl who was 6 weeks older than my daughter that anyone listened to me. At that point I had apparently moved on from postnatal depression into depression.
I was referred to a psychiatric nurse and that brought up the fact that there were problems in my relationship that I was ignoring. I then went with my ex to Relate and also individual counselling. The best counselling we ever had though and the one I felt worked the best for us was Couple Counselling.
If for no other reason than for your own sanity and also the fact that you can turn around and say I did it for my children and for myself and can say I tried everything to save my marriage, you can always hold your head up high and say you didn't quit when the going got tough, you stuck at it and worked at it.
There are no guarantees in life but at least it gives you much better coping strategies, for us we had been together for 15 years before our daughter came into our lives and when we split it was almost 20 years, I think we grew apart and the love for us was lost. We also worked together 24/7 for almost 10 years so we had no space to get away from one another.
Give it a go, if it fails, you at least tried.
I think through the counselling you will get the truth and yes it may hurt but it also may give you both a better understanding of one another. It teaches you listening skills as well rather than talking over your partner, you actually listen to what they are saying.
You need time to heal to so don't forget yourself and do at least one nice thing a day for you, time alone, time to relax or time alone at the gym - whatever you chose do it for you.
Keep us posted OK.
Best of luck.
Country Woman
x
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