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male
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anonymous
writes: Do women with children stay in their relationships for "the children's sake", no matter how unhappy they are personally, or do kids really matter in a woman's decision to eventually leave?Also, does having kids simply make a woman delay the inevitable breakup, and drag things out farther than needed?Just curious on all of your thoughts... Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 December 2005): Parents stayed together 'for the sake of the kids'need to consider the quality of the marriage these children are going to grow up witnessing. If it's to try and bring them up in a 'normal loving family' then while they parents may have the best of intentions the kids are going to see these dysfunctional relationships as normal and to be expected. Children are pretty perceptive. Even if there is just the tinyest bit of tension in the air kids will pick up on it. By all means try to fix the relationship but if it is broken beyond repair staying together for the sake of normallity and stability could do more harm than good.
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female
reader, Jami_23 +, writes (15 November 2005):
I "stayed for the kids" for 5 years until I realized I was just wasting my life being with someone I didnt love, I realized I wanted My children to be able to show love and affection when they grew up, and that it would be better for them to not see and hear us arguing all the time so after 8 years together I finally left, most of the time I think its better this way, but sometimes when my kids cry cause he did not show up for his visitation I wonder if I should have stayed, This is a very hard decision to make it just depends on the situation you are in!
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 November 2005): Its about expectations. What to each of you expect out of each other in your new roles. Its not fair to beat the other person up for not being the perfect husband/wife or forgetting a anniversary any more.
If you two decide that you two are adult enough to see through you obligation to raise stable, responsible children then great. Soceity thanks you.
But agree on what is expected from each person than then stick with what you say you'll do. Because there wont be a lot of forgiveness and latitude anymore. If you are supposed to handle household repairs- dont leave her with a broken dishwasher for months. Be dependable. If you agree to have outside relationships, dont let them come back to humiliate her.
Your new goal is to raise kids together successfully. Focus on that, and you shoudl be able to do it as two friends working together. As long as you dont keep on judging each other by "spouse" standards.
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female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (13 November 2005):
 If one thinks the children are truly better of if they stay in the marriage then they should stick it out, since they brought them into this world. But if one's relationship with their husband is so poor that it may affect the children adversely in any way, then they should contact a lawyer and start the divorce proceedings at once.
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 November 2005): The question can also be-do children fare better in a home with two battling, miserable parents or is it better if they are with one happy, parent? A divorce, nonetheless, will profoundly impact the kids. Having a divorce and still setting a positive role models for your kids will be of greatest importance. The issue is whether or not divorced couples can raise children who do better in life as adults, than unhappy couples who stay together for the sake of the kids. I feel, yes they can-but it will depend on the child's emotional health and how you and your partner, handle your divorce and your ongoing and future parenting responsibilities. No matter how amicable divorced parents might be and how much they each love and care for the children, their willingness to do these things does little to diminish the restructuring of the child's world-the kids still feel the deep loss. But..what do kids learn from divorcing parents and what do they learn from parents who sacrifice their own happiness for their children? It's controversial. A 'good divorce' is better than a 'bad' messy divorce. Ideally, keeping the family intact and happy is best, but sadly, that's just not realistic. Divorcing couples should have a plan to make the initial effects less heartwrenching you do need tell your kids what the plan is and how it will impact their lives. Reassure the children that the divorce is not their fault and if any of the kids are experiencing a great deal of anger, get some family counselling to help them deal with any emotional fallout and feelings of loss. There will be some..be prepared to handle this. Even if you don't agree, maintain good communication with your former spouse, about the children. Don't interfere with your chldren's relationship with their other parent and never ask your children to choose between the two of you. Not sure if this answered your question..but just some thoughts I wanted to share. Good luck
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reader, Mr Fixit +, writes (13 November 2005):
Ok maybe it is best for women with children to stay with theire partner unless it is too bad for them. if they cannot handle their partner they shouldn't destroy their lives. its not just about the kids.
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 November 2005): Women will generally stay with an obnoxious violent bullying egotistical male in order to keep the family unit together for the benefit of the children even when it's detrimental to the health and mind of aforementioned women. Fear of economic instability, social taboo and depriving their children of a father often leads to women living a life of persecution at the hands of somebody who, being a stranger, would not equate to anything in their lives. Why would a woman want to stay with somebody that brings fear and degredation into their lives daily for any other reason but for the love of their children? How hard it must be to share your life daily with a man you once loved spent in fear and terror for the benefit of one's child. When a woman has a child by a man there is a life long connectiom that bonds both party's in the name of the child. We have all walked away from relationships that have met thier natural end but you cant just take your child and cut blood ties.At an early age its easier to walk but human nature donates that we all want to find out our roots,where we came from,A mother is bonded by her love of her child and a sense of moral obligation to provide her child with a father that she will stay through thick and thin to make a family unit..i grew up with half a child hood fatherless and i love my mother more for it.She was a happier person,i was a happier child and life was far more serene...We dont need a father that is not a father
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 November 2005): I definitely think people stay together because of the kids. Kids should be the first priority - personally at one point I may have wanted to leave but never would have done that to the kids. I know many others who feel the same.
I also know others who left the marriage w/o thinking of the kids and I think the kids are put in a very bad situation.
Unless there is constant fighting, violence, abuse of any kind then I think its best to try to work it out.
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