A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I met this guy through a friend in my group since 4 months ago while I was still with my last long distance relationship boyfriend who broke up with me 2 months ago. And right after the break up, this guy started to initial contact with me and get to know me, and even told me he actually likes me but just didn’t know if I wanted to be friends only. I told him I like him too as how sweet and caring he is but wanted to take things slow as I just got out from the relationship and wanted to get to know him more first. Anyway, we started seeing each other since June 30 a movie night and we had sex (I know it’s a big mistake), but thank god since then he’s still treating me like a princess and we hang out almost every day and weekends either just the two of us or with our group of friends. As you can imagine, after that 3 weeks, friends around us especially the girls would be curious and keep questioning where we are at that moment and anyhow one night it something just triggered me to mentioned that I would only keep seeing him if things between us is going anywhere…in part of a text message to him.He did care about it and he openly talked to me in person in a caring way, but the answer was he is not planning to get into any relationship as he said his last two relationships really put him in fear of hurting people and also hurting himself since last 2 break ups were because of his job relocation that forced him to leave them behind as neither of them willing to move with him. Also his parents were having a real bad relationship which kind of affecting him and hates his father deep inside, which he never told any friends. However, he doesn’t know what to do as he told me the big problem is he didn’t expect to meet someone like me and he just likes me a lot but also concern as things between us was starting to get serious.I regretted to have the TALK that soon which freaked him out and caused him started to keep a little bit distance with me but still initialing contact and spending quality time and weekends with me like couples, even these 2 weeks he’s been spending every moment for his MBA assignments, he still spared time to see me, just only thing is we no longer holding hands in public. Somehow some internet advises which helped me start to getting him back in closer since last weekend, and I like this guy a lot as he’s a caring person treat me so nice, and he has all the quality which I always looking for and he’s a loyal guy from all I know, and I am more than 100% he has not seeing anyone else, BUT something bothering me right this moment is he will have friends visiting and stay at his place the coming 2 week, which he sounds never tend to invite me to hang out with him and his friends.So I really want to ask what do you think about the whole situation?Do you see any possibility to have a future between me and him, if yes, anything I can do to make it happen? As 1st we are really openly talking and caring each other, and sex is definitely not a must when every time we meet. Also there was one time I even told him I want to stop everything with him but he immediately to see me in person to stop me leaving and talked to me.I Understand I am not supposed to help him on getting over the fear, but is there anything I can do?Thanks for taking time to read such a long page but will be really appreciate if you could give me some advice.
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broke up, long distance, text Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Cissy Cecilia +, writes (17 August 2012):
 Hi thanks for all the answers above, I am the girl who post this questions, somehow i am wondering as his friend is coming over for holidays next week, somehow he has yet mention anything about if he wants me to hang out with them, i dont mean to want him introduce me as whoever i am for him, but i just want to know his friends. Is there any way i can let him know without making him feels pushy or feels like i want to be introduced as someone special? Thanks a lot
A
female
reader, Atsweet1  +, writes (17 August 2012):
 Yes it's a possibility what is the fear about commitment it might not be any fear really so talk date be happy have dessert instead of disaster cause people need to be on same page with dating relationships sex partners or what have you will happen make the most of it personal advice friends do what they want things that is not done in relationships or marriage
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A
female
reader, chaijam  +, writes (16 August 2012):
I think there really is hope for you two. Usually if a guy doesn't want to be in a relationship my first guess is that he is screwing me over, but this guy has given you a genuine reason. If you believe him and care for him, then give him a shot. Being in an 'official' relationship is just a fancy title. If you care for each other that will come regardless. Don't stress over officiality, just have some fun and enjoy each others company. Guys like to be sure, just as us girls do, about girls before meeting their friends. Give him time, he sounds really lovely.
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A
female
reader, Starlights  +, writes (16 August 2012):
 There is not much you can do to make him overcome his own fears.
He has made his feelings clear and personally i think its best to see this as a friendship with him and not more .
Goodluck
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