| A
female
,
anonymous
writes: When you break up with someone, what should be the rule on how long it is before you talk to them? I always heard at least 3 months. But, do you remain in contact with someone if they were emotionally abusive to you? Or, should you just forgive them but move on and not remain friends with them? It's only been 2 months since I broke up with my ex, and he'll text me or call me ever so often even after I told him not to. I shouldn't have to stay in contact if I don't want to, right? It's like he's trying to prove that he's okay by talking to me, but shouldn't he be hurting like I am?
View related questions:
broke up, emotionally abusive, move on, my ex, text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, happytochat  +, writes (30 November 2007):
You dont have to talk to your ex ever again if you dont want to. Those so called rules are stupid and you should forget them. When it comes to abusive ex's, being polite doesnt matter! You have no need to smile at him and say hey if you see him in the street just to be nice. He was and still most likely is an abusive person. One of the main reaosns why its best you stay far away from an abusive ex is because they rarely change and tey often try to trick you, and get you back. They often conitnue to make you feel like crap and even abuse you, when your not even in a relationship with them. So cut any contact you have with him, so he does not get the chance to abuse you. This will aslo help you to move on!
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (30 November 2007): I hear you, and I'm sure thousands of other women do. You need to cut all contact with him to heal the hurt! Any man who is emotionally abusive in any way shape or form has no respect for you, and doesn't deserve your friendship. He's trying to show you he can go on without you, by those phone calls, but he knows exactly how you're feeling! No man is worth your tears, and one who is wouldn't make you cry! Don't let him worm his way back into your life, he'll only continue with his old ways again. He didn't know gold when he had it! You deserve someone who loves and respects you unconditionally.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 November 2007): Why are you even listening to him or reading his texts? Get your phone number changed and move on, why do you need to be in touch with him anyway. There is no way that i would put up with this cr*p.
take care
xx
...............................
A
male
reader, Richard_EMids  +, writes (30 November 2007):
 Hey - sorry to hear you are still hurting. That's a good answer from pg issyd, she makes some good suggestions. There is no 3 month rule. If someone has been abusive to you, why have any contact with them? Ever again.
The best advice I can give is "Have no contact with your ex."
You will then focus on the future - and not dwell on the past.
Take care
Richard
...............................
A
female
reader, pgissyd +, writes (30 November 2007):
 hi there. My ex was mentally abusive and controlling, I want nothing more than to cut him out of my life like a tumour, but even after 5 years he still has some control over my life, because we have children together.
However the only way you can gain your own life back hun, is to cut him off. Block his numbers from your phone, get a new number, change your email or use the block options on your chats and emails so he cant contact you.
Most of all, you have to CHOOSE not to let him have influence over you anymore. Some counceling may help if it was really bad, If he keeps on bugging you and your finding it really difficult to cope, you CAN go to the police and ask for a restraining order.
The best thing to do, is say to his face he is to leave you alone, and then walk away.
Decide he no longer has influence over you, have no more contact and move on with your life, learn what lessons you can from it and find someone who will treat you right.
YOU CAN DO IT, do it for all of us who cannot.
I chose not to let my ex have control over me about a year ago, I stood up to him and now my marrage is doing better, my kids are happier and I can get on with my life without wondering if He will make me suffer later. because I dont care what he tries to say or do now, he cannot say anything to hurt me, because I know his games and I know not to fall into the traps he sets.
In short I have control over my own life, however I will never have full control, because he has a large influence on the children still. I would never stop him seeing the children, so I wont be truely free fo years yet. But one day the kids will fly the nest and make their own decsions, and I will no longer have any contact with the man that destroyed me.
For your own mental health, cut this man out of your life in every way you can, put him behind you and move on to better men.
Take care xxxxxxxxx
...............................
|
