A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Do you have weird or disturbing sexual fantasies that you are not sure if you want to make happen? I have a recurring fantasy. I guess you could call it one of my go to thoughts...you know, when your having sex, or masturbating, and just can't seem to totally get into it? Well I have two actually. The first is to watch a (male) friend apply sunscreen to my wife's backside in one of her skimpy bikini's where she makes it clear by body movements that he can slip his hands under a bit, or even sometimes, that she brazenly turns over topless and has him do her front. The other is similar. It's from that game where we were kids, when you get one minute together in the bathroom to do whatever. I picture my wife doing this with guys we know at a party and letting them do whatever they want in 60 seconds.While these thoughts have got me off for a long time, they have also disturbed me very much. They are just weird. I finally told my wife about them in a drunken confession. She was equally disturbed. "would you reAlly want me to do those things? Or is that just an excuse so you can do it to one of your friend's wives?" she asked with disdain, and perhaps disgust. I answered truthfully, I don't know. I feel both repulsed and disturbingly excited by the idea at the same time.How can u hold two opposite emotions at the same time?Do any of you have feelings like this? Would you, should I, have ever confided them with the spouse? Should i see if she is willing to act on them? I am not sure if she is contemplating doing it, or totally repulsed by it. I am hesitant to ask her, i guess, because i am somewhat repulsed or at least ashamed, of myself for thinking these weird thoughts Is she disgusted by me now? She never really said much about it again....
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 May 2011): I've had similar fantasies about my wife, so to answer the first part of your question, you're not alone. And they're not all that uncommon -- if you check out erotic literature, you'll see lots of that stuff.As for the rest of it, I drink a lot, and have never 'confided' in my wife that way. Now maybe it's because I know her and know that it's the biggest non-starter in the world; maybe it's because I know with all my hormones that it works far better in my head that it ever could/would in reality. What I'm getting from your post is that you're not so sure that it mightn't be OK in reality, so you were perhaps testing the waters a bit. And is she off-base in wondering where you're coming from?My advice is to leave it in your head. It's a powerful fantasy and has it's uses. All too often when such things migrate into the real world they simply wreak havoc, to the detriment of otherwise good relationships.
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