A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I've been with my boyfriend for over 6 months, in the past he's looked at women, had a blog full of half naked women, womens butts etc when he knew it upset me and continued, he bought lads magazines AFTER we started going out. Now he claims he's changed?He hasn't got rid of the magazinesHe still has tiny disrespectful things around his roomHe deleted his blog but it wouldnt surprise me if he remade/had a secret blog on the side.I don't know what to do or what to think...help?
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female
reader, lec  +, writes (12 August 2012):
His viewing porn has never been a reflection on you.
You are your own beautiful woman. His watching it does not change that.
Change your mindset and change your world.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 July 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI don't know why the title is that or the tags, i never titled it that or tagged it as that...
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A
female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (24 July 2012):
 I really don't know if you're insecure in general or just about the porn and I can't tell if you're overly strict about it. There just isn't enough information to go on.
What I can tell you is that collecting pictures of naked women is obviously very important to your boyfriend and it provides a very quick high. This means he is unlikely to give it up any time soon.
Soooo...you have to decide whether or not this is something you can live with. If you feel strongly about it, then the answer is 'no' in which case the only thing you can do to give yourself peace of mind is leave.
Having feelings for someone is not reason enough to stay. If your life isn't better for having that person in it, they shouldn't be in it. That applies to friends and lovers alike.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 July 2012): I have to say that's a very misleading title. You don't mention porn at all and you don't say anything about "excessive porn", half naked women and women's arses are not porn and neither are lads mags. I don't see where this idea of excessive porn came from to be honest. I've see more half naked women and women's arses in women's magazines and ads.
You and he are not compatible OP. You don't trust him because because you set down some very strict rules and he hasn't followed them. You need to go find a guy who is okay sticking to those rules.
If you ask me you sound incredibly insecure and way too strict.
"in the past he's looked at women" Really? A straight guy has looked at women? How odd.
"had a blog full of half naked women, womens butts" Well he deleted that for you but that's not enough because he bought lads mags and they too are too much for you and now you accuse him of having a secret one.
"He hasn't got rid of the magazines, He still has tiny disrespectful things around his room"
Why should he, they're just lads mags and the problem is yours not his. How much does he have to do OP, where does this end? That disrespectful things thing is quite a strange thing to say. You sound far too controlling to me and you need to move on and find a guy you accept and not want to change.
You should never be with a person on the basis that you'll hope he'll change, but I must warn you OP most of us hetero guys have looked at naked women in the past, on TV, in magazines, naked women are everywhere in the media. Of course there are plenty of guys that don't like lads mags and aren't that bothered about making a blog filled with beautiful women but if you ask me your idea of what's acceptable or not is based very heavily on insecurity.
I'll never understand why women feel so threatened by porn but I do accept it, you're not talking about porn you're talking about any picture of any beautiful woman and magazines for lads. Go find someone you're compatible with OP.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (24 July 2012):
 I don't think it matters if he has changed or not. Because the trust has been broken. You do not trust him... and it is very difficult/unwise to try and rebuild trust in someone who has shown you before that they can't be trusted. Don't be naive. If he's been untrustworthy in the past, then the smart thing to do is leave him alone. You don't need this constant worrying. A relationship shouldn't be about having to worry your partner is hiding things from you, or keeping secret blogs etc. This isn't the kind of relationship you want, regardless of him changing or not changing. Even if he really HAS changed, you still do not trust him. And you probably have your reasons. Perhaps it is better for you to find a man that you do trust, and save yourself the worrying and wondering and always being concerned or suspicious.
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A
female
reader, msxo +, writes (24 July 2012):
 ACTION speaks,LOUDER then WORDS !!!!! We can only change when we see the wrong,admit it,have the courage to change !!!
Yes,I do believe someone can change when it comes to excessive porn. It'll be hard work because its a addiction now.
If he LOVES you he'll respect your feeling.And try to change.Keep eyes open.Remember "ACTION is the key". GOOD LUCK !!! GOD BLESS !!!!!!!!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 July 2012): I went through the same thing with my bf. He had profiles on sex sites would recieve naked pix of women chat online. It crushed me i dealt with it for three years. I was about to leave and had started talking with other guys as friends not sexually. He came home one night gave me all his passwords deleted all the accounts said he wanted to spend his life with me and he doesnt want to lose his family over women he doesnt care an ounce about. Unfortunately though you cant change him. He has to do it on his own. My bf pleaded with me for days and so far he has been very respectful loving and faithful. But he knows even one slip up and im gone. I have dealt with this for years and if i need to i will leave. But i love him and he took the steps and made the changes. Talk to your bf if he cant change and you are done being disrespected, then take your leave.
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