A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Is it the male that should do the chasing? e.g. cheeky message if they haven't messaged back, always giving them compliments,and taking the lead basically?The way I have read things is, girls will always have lads after them so they have choices and apparently, they can play cool to see if the bloke is still interested or if he just wanted a quick fumble. But if a lad does it they think ok he wasn't that interested.As I've gotten older that seems the way it is when I was younger I had girls who showed a lot of interest but then got obsessive which is what I don't want anymore.So yeah is it down to the males to continue chasing, with the attitude of I know you're interested in me that's why I won't give up kind of thing...? Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 July 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for your help guys maybe the girls I meet aren't actually interested, I don't know I just end up feeling a fool ha thanks though
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 July 2013): I don't believe in the male having to chase the female. Or the other way round. I believe it should be equal and reciprocal.E.g. you invite her out and have a good time. Then next time she should initiate the invitation. Or you call her or send flowers. Next day or week she calls you first or drops by your work to say hi. And so on.If one person is not putting any effort in then to me that is saying they are not interested. So why should the other person waste time and energy chasing someone who isn't interested?Why would a woman want to test a man 's level of interest? I don't understand. Either she likes him or she doesn't. A woman who's only interested in you because you're chasing her, is just using you to gratify her ego. By playing cool what she is testing is not his interest in her but his patience (or lack thereof). It is also annoying for a woman who is truly NOT interested to continue to have a man chase her because he thinks she is just faking disinterest and is signaling him to pursue more. What! That is so annoying. The last thing we want is to be around that guy, not to see more of him! So my advice is don't buy that b.s. Choose to spend your energy on women who will actually engage with you, and if they don't then don't bother.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 July 2013): Women who are aggressive towards men often are misunderstood as being too forward or make it too easy for men and then the guy often loses interest. And then there are the women who are obviously interested in the guy, but will not chase after him. I think it's more about when you start to get older you realize you are looking for a women of substance (as do women looking for a man) and the games, throwing themselves at someone, sleeping with them on the first meeting, making yourself stand out for the wrong kind of attention, etc. starts to grow stale and you start to put the breaks on that kind of behavior. You really start to think to yourself, is that what I want to take home to Mom? Is that what I really want out of a women? And these questions start running through your head and you see that one person who stands out in the crowd and has it all together and that's what you put your focus on. She isn't flaunting, she is going to make you work for it and you are going to want to work for it because she just might be worth "the chase". You will respect her, you will take the time to get to know her, you will put your best foot forward and show her what you've got. It's just what you are going to want to do for that special person. So, do women expect this? Women who respect themselves and are not looking for anything just to be with someone will likely require it. So save it for someone special who isn't throwing themselves at you, won't jump into bed after meeting at a bar, etc. This may not happen for a long time as you are in an age bracket that not too many are settling down just yet. Have your fun, and when it's there, you will know it.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 July 2013): Not all of them but most of them play hard to get. I think the reason is: They are different and they can not handle the feeling of being rejected very well. They don't chase the guy (even if they want to) because they fear they will embarrass themselves.I have witnessed a few girls who made the first move and were rejected. They practically lost their minds and did crazy crazy things. One girl decided to propose to a guy in front of a crowd but the guy was obviously not ready and ... well, she screamed and cried and hit herself and finally had a mental breakdown. The other girl who asked a guy out and was rejected decided to call everyone and tell them she had sex with the guy but his penis was too small to get in!
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A
male
reader, Illithid  +, writes (7 July 2013):
 For what it's worth, my current girlfriend tried dropping hints for quite a while that I, being the stereotypically dense guy, never picked up on. She finally had to ask me out. But two years later, we're still together and happy. I shudder to think if she were the sort to give up and never say anything.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 July 2013): It's quite rare for a woman to ask a man out. I am popular with females and even then they rarely approach me straight. In bars and other places they stand around trying to get my attention, looking at me then looking down or away etc. Sometimes they will even smile. Girls at work will flirt with me half one day and the next morning when I arrive, you would think they would be excited to see me again. Some are, whereas others, ignore me as if I don't exist, waiting for me to approach them and to say good morning to them. They play all types of games. They love being given your full attention if they like you.
I once had a girl who walked past me on the street telling me "i want you!" But that is extremely rare.
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A
female
reader, Dionee'  +, writes (6 July 2013):
 I think many of us prefer the guy to show interest so that we know for sure you know?There are quite a number of us who wouldn't make the first move however, if a guy does then that just makes us feel better than if we had made the first move. You do get those women who like chasing after guys but that really doesn't work for us all. Its not really to keep options open. Its more so saving ourselves the embarrassment of possible rejection. We assume most guys are used to or have been rejected before so its not really a big deal i guess. Im not saying we all think this way but this is based purely on how i feel.I hope I've helped
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 July 2013): As a 20 year old female, I'd rather have a guy to just tell me he likes me, non of this chasing or ignoring stuff
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (6 July 2013):
 There is still a middle between being obsessive and acting cool, pretending to be busy. Obsessive means the girl calls too often and gets upset if you don't. Feels that a relationship has happened way before you even consider. A girl can be interested without playing games. After swinging from the pendulum of being obsessive and aloof, you find a middle ground and just be yourself. You should chase who you like and continue to show interest. I expect men to chase and a relationship is a life long dating ritual. What's the point of being in a relationship when the chasing stops? I also understand as this is my nature, it is just as unrealistic to expect a man to chase a woman forever. So I just go with the flow and not overthink. When I pick a man I go for personality and looks, not whoever sticks around the longest after I test them for endurance. Because after all the man could be after the prize (me falling in love with him) and not me, the real person and the relationship. When a woman acts cool she wants a chaser and not necessarily the man.
A relationship is the end of the chase and delaying the relationship ensures the chase. I do want the relationship and I do want the chase.
Being so demanding I am happy just to be single. I also sense the frustration from this post. As I get older I realize men who are not natural chasers want the actual relationship.
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