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anonymous
writes:Why do some women, do not like romance, they say they would like to meet a nice guy , but when they do, they go back to the guy before, who was mentally, an abusesive, to them? when you start going out ,they tell you how bad their ex was to them, an they seem so very nice, an when you were together , it seem, it was so great. an do they after going back to the bad guy, do they ever regret leaving the nice guy, to being with the guy who treats them so bad? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (10 February 2014):
 I agree with iAmHereToHelpYou.
It doesn't matter. They are FREE to choose their life and whom they date/marry/love.
I do think that MANY women who go back to an abusive ex believes they don't DESERVE better. You can tell them they do til you are blue in the face, but it won't change how their think/feel.
Others prefer the "better the devil I know". They know exactly how to play their part with the ex and can navigate that life over a new life where they have to adjust to everything.
And the you have the women who dates a guy (good guy or not doesn't matter) who just waits for the other shoe to drop (expecting the guy to be abusive in some way) but they LEAVE before it happens.
And of course there are the women who rather be with a piece of crap man then be single.
All you can do, is accept that they weren't for you. If they rather be with a man who doesn't treat them right - that is THEIR choice and YOU deserve a woman who WANTS to be with you.
A
female
reader, Atsweet1 +, writes (8 February 2014):
 I feel people go back to ex regardless of how they treat them because of comfort. They already know and are familiar with the ex. I dont not know about if they regret not dealing with the nice guy. I think perphaps the nice guys do finish last and dont be so agressive so they get over look. It seems they get put on the back burner for the bad boys. I would rather have nice guys than abusers anyday. I would rather have a nerd a ed a sweetheart or whatever compared to a mental or physical abuser.
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 February 2014): Before I say anything else. You know what being used on the rebound is by now?
OP, some women suffer from "Stockholm Syndrome." They form a traumatic bonding with the person who treats them badly. They defend these assholes. They've become isolated and estranged from their own families for them. They don't give them up easily.
Some even leave the abusive situation; and return even years later. They actually think these abusive-men love them underneath it all.
These guys are often violent, deranged, psychopathic, or narcissistic. They have methodically and completely warn these women down emotionally. They are reduced to a shell.
It seems that they find nice guys boring. Sometimes that's true. You can also be too nice. Kissing their asses is annoying. Trying too hard to cater to their expectations or pandering to their high maintenance demands only makes you look like fool. You can't fault them for that.
Some women are drama-queens, who love being the "leading-lady" and victim within their own little "soap-opera" relationship.
Happily let them return to her ex. Pray for her soul and salvation.
If you meet a woman still clinging to her ex, it's only logical and common-sense to dump her, and move on.
There is someone for everyone. It often takes trial and error, and a lengthy search to find the right person.
You shouldn't become bitter or cynical in the process.
Life is always preparing you for the person best suited for you. So a series of unlucky experiences is basic-training.
Your refinement comes through success and failure; preparing us before the right person enters our lives. That may be the relationship that will last the longest, and turn out be the most successful you'll ever have. You'll appreciate her all the more; because you had to get to heaven, you have to go through hell! It might even take a whole life-time to find that person. If you didn't have any fun along the way. That's also your fault.
Don't let the years make you mean or pessimistic. At our age, we don't need to spend a lot of time dwelling on the past or negative things. Nor letting ourselves be subjected to silly games with people.
To be successful in relationships; you have to kiss a few frogs. Be rejected, used, abused, until you are finally truly loved. Resilience is a good tool for survival. Life offers us much joy; but you won't take joy for granted,if don't face some disappointments while seeking a partner.
Stay the hell away from women who tell you they have just broke up with someone.
They do regret leaving a nice guy. If you read many of the posts on DC, they take up a full page expressing their regret. Their exes usually move on, and find better mates. They brag on Facebook about it.
She laments on how bad she feels that she gave up a good guy, foolishly trying to get back with her no-good ex. They don't deserve the pain; but they do deserve to learn the hard way. There should be consequences for the pain they've caused you.
If they left you for something worse. The truth is, you are better off without them.
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 February 2014): it really depends on the fact weather the abusive man has changed or not. but, not all women are the same. some may regret it, but some may be relieved even if abusive guy is still abusive.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 February 2014): Quite honestly I wouldn't worry for such women.
Sounds like they are addicted to the drama of abuse.
No one seriously wanting to escape, recover from and re build their life would consider going backwards ever. If they went back in the first place, I expect they will not regret it in future as obviously part of the abusive cycle themselves and want to be there.
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