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female
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anonymous
writes: where do i begin? ive been with my current bf now for just over 2 months. It was never really easy for me in the begining when i met him, as he has a young daughter from a previous relationship. Ive never been out with anyone with a child before, and didnt really know how to act. but something must have worked as we are still together. The problem is, is his very adventerous past with the ladies (dont know is thats the right word for them)I realise everyone has a past, and at first i was ok about it. i havnt had any one night stands or sexual relationships as he has. I dont feel that i lack in the bedroom as he says im the best hes ever had. But the other night we went out for a romantic meal. before we went out a "friend" of his came over asking if his little girl would like to go to a party with her son. didnt think anything of it at the time and we went out. he got quite drunk after the meal and we ran into some of his mates. his work friend pulled me to one side and said, "walk away now" "hes not what he seems" i then saw him get up from his seat and make a B line for this girl he works with, he kissed her on the check and they seemed very friendly. His mate then said" im sorry you had to see that, your too nice for him" i comfrounted him about what his mate said. He was angry about his mate and said "im really shocked he should say that, he obviously wants a chance with you", he then admitted that he once had a sexual relationship with that girl and the girl that came over the house earlier that night. i was so upset. he said "please dont judge my past and have faith in me,im not going to cheat on you" and he later explained that hes never been jealous before when hes been with someone, but gets jealous when i talk to a guy i know.(however he does give me space to do so) he says the thought of me being with anyone else really hurts him. that night i went through his phone and found 2 innocent pictures of a girl that was taken on 2 seperate occasions when i wasnt with him, in his house. he says shes a friend from work, but why didnt he say she was over his house if it;s innocent? We decided about 2 weeks ago to be serious with eachother, so if he did anything in the early stages i can let that go and work from now on. hes promised me that he hasn't cheated over and over. My stomach is doubling over with this. i really love being with him, but if hes cheating im walking. do you think we have a chance?
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female
reader, lilqutie +, writes (5 December 2005):
heres the deal I have a child from my relationship and only been split from my ex for 2 months .When I speak to him he lies to me and tells me he is not seeing other people and that he may want to try to work things out after he clears his head. He use to cheat all the time and assured me he would never cheat on me and said all the same things yours is saying to you. The moral to this is every cheat wants a good women to run back to just uncase the fun stops so walk away while you still can and while it wont hurt as bad.
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male
reader, DreamMaster  +, writes (4 December 2005):
 Hi,
Ok, it seems as though you are getting mixed messages all around, so you may be blinded by your love for this guy, and seeing what you want to see, and of course ignoring what you don’t want to believe. Understandable, but I can give you an outsiders viewpoint.
I think I have just read far too many potentially bad signs, and though they are all small and unconfirmed, I think they might all pointing in the one direction, a direction you aren’t going to enjoy.
Ok, having a child from a previous relationship CAN be an indication of someone who makes bad decisions, or lacks a certain amount of control. Was this child brought into the world through one of his one-night-stands?
This “friend” COULD have been suggesting they meet up again, and is using the kid as a code to prevent you from suspecting anything.
His other friend has given you a very definite warning about your man. Your guy was only EVER going to deny it, there is no other possible response he could give except the one he did. It was a good one of course, because it backed you off and makes you have doubts about his friends intentions. Of course his friend COULD have wanted a chance with you, but what he said is fitting into an evolving pattern of events.
Jumping up and kissing another girl on the cheek? Okay, maybe a bit over-friendly, but then you were sitting right there looking at it. What more would he have tried to get away with if you weren’t there?
“Don’t judge my past”, this is a real clincher in my book. In other words, you have every reason not to trust me because I have no morals, but I still want you to trust be anyway despite all this. After I cheat on you I can still use this line on the next girl.
Jealousy is not a good emotion to judge someone’s affection towards you, so don’t let that fool you into thinking he is head over heals, it is just that he wants to have some kind of ‘possession’ over you.
Telling him that you could forgive him for cheating in the early days was a terrible mistake. You have now given him reason to believe you will forgive him for doing so under certain conditions. This should be a no-no under any circumstances. He just needs to find ways to bend the rules a little to get away with it.
It is hard to know whether he has cheated or not, but looking at all the possible signals, when it does happen (and I believe it will), you will look back and wonder how you didn’t see it coming a mile away.
He has a very adventurous ‘past’ you say, but honestly we are still talking about his ‘present’, and I doubt he has changed that much in the 2 months you are together.
Unfortunately for you, I believe it is likely that this guy will cheat on you at some point.
All you can do now is decide whether you would forgive him for such a thing, or whether you want to go through that pain and break up, or break up now.
Personally I think you should find a way to back out of the relationship. His mate was right; you are too nice for him.
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