A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm seventeen years old and have a boyfriend of 2 months who's a year older than me. We get along really well and I have strong feelings for him, but I'm one of these people who aren't really familiar with the sexual side of relationships, I've had boyfriends before but I've never felt this strongly about any of them so I want to 'please' him but I'm not sure how. I don't want to rush into anything but i want to be intimate, however I'm too embarrassed to say anything to him about it and I know I should but it's hard for somebody like me to openly discuss things like this. What should I do?Also, he's never told me he loves me and that puts me off a bit. I want to be able to talk to him comfortably about personal things and I try but he never seems to respond very enthusiastically. Do these things take time? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Fiona xxx +, writes (1 April 2009):
 He hasn't told you he loves you because after just 2 months you are not in love. I believe love happens gradually and you don't truly love somebody until after say 6 months or so. You can be very fond of somebody and care for eachother before then, but that's very different.
So being realistic about the sex and how long do you leave it. If you only want to sleep with him when you are in love rather than thinking you are, then you had better wait. However 2 months is plenty of time to know that you have things in common and you can assume you will be going out for a while. I guess that all depends on your views.
However things can easily be one sided and you can wait a long time to realise that the other person never falls in love, but I think if you are honest you should know the difference between a guy who doesn't love you back and a guy who is realistic and doesn't use the word lightly. Perhaps you need to be clear from him if he is fond of you in that way and thinks he loves you but isn't sure yet, but thinks he could be, rather than no love at all. There is a difference.
Fiona.
A
female
reader, jessica04  +, writes (1 April 2009):
 For most guys, yes, these things take time. Also, if he isn't the kind of person who is open to having intimate talks, then it kind of leaves you in a rut with nothing to do but pent up your feelings.
I do agree that you shouldn't be trying to have sex right away just to please him, especially if he hasn't really opened up to say he loves you or deeply cares about you.
i would suggest you just take things at his pace for a little while. Maybe your rush of emotions will subside a bit and you'll be able to calm don and evaluate the situation better. He might just need some time to get in the swing of thigs since it has only been 2 months. If he just isn't "there" for you the way you need him to be, then don't settle thinking he will change and suddenly become this deep, emotional character, he won't.
Give a little more time to see how this relationship can develop, but don't let your one sided love for him hold you back from finding someone who is truly and actively interested in making you happy.
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