A
male
age
41-50,
*anjunathBangalore
writes:Few days back I was watching a adult movie with my wife. There was a rape scene. After the movie my wife wanted to rewind and see the scene again and she saw that again. How come a Rape which is supposed to be a disgusting act can be stimulating. Ok consider me as pervert and had I liked that scene, ok, as a male forgivable. But for a female how can the rape scene be stimulating? I have heard that some women(even if the number is insignificant) like rough sex, somewhat similar to rape. Is it true? Normally I don't ask my wife about her fantasies nor do I tell mine. So I am placing my question here
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male
reader, wiseoldman  +, writes (4 June 2012):
Yes, some do, but only if it fits their fantasies. For instance, if a woman's imagining being raped by pirates, the fantasy pirates are never authentic pirates, e.g. ugly unwashed pirates of these days. No, it's a gang-bang by Johnny Depp and his equally handsome crew, a sensitive and intelligent bunch who are only engaging in piracy because they are using the treasure to put themselves through medical school, and who are the proud owners of the only pirate ship with a sunken bathtub and fluffy colour-coordinated towels in the entire Caribbean. So engage her in a bit of dialogue, find out her daydreams and ravish her the way she wants to be ravished.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (3 June 2012): My wife likes rough sex and always has, and she also endulges in fantasies of not rape so much, but non-consentual sex. She occasionnally reads stories on erotica When we first dated, we flirted with the idea of a threesome to satisfy her fantasy, but she decided to keep it a fantasy.I personally like to give it to her rough for a few seconds, but like someone said, I can lose my erection if I hammer too long. SLower strokes feel better and build up an orgasm more.
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A
female
reader, person12345  +, writes (31 May 2012):
 "Most women like rough sex."
Um no.
Anyways to answer your question, rape fantasies are common. It's not actually rape that's appealing, I think I can safely speak for all women that actual rape is horrifying and life-ruining and one of the worst experiences anyone can ever go through.
Rape fantasies tend to be based on a couple things. One is that women are generally taught that the most important things in life is to be desired by men. Despite that fact that actual rape isn't based on desire or lust, the idea of the fantasy is that she is so incredibly attractive that the man simply cannot resist her and will do anything to have her.
Another is that many women are taught to be ashamed to ask for sex and all are culturally punished for choosing sex (being called names like slut, skank, whore, etc...). If she is raped, she is not choosing sex and therefore isn't falling into those categories.
There is also the aspect that women's physical arousal exists as much in response to pleasure as it is a defense mechanism. Women lubricate and their muscles loosen to prevent injury. This happens during actual rape as well, which often causes extreme emotional pain later for the woman. So on that basis it would make sense that watching that would essentially trigger the "defense" arousal mechanism.
You also have to remember that most cultures are built on a hierarchy. Women are subordinate to men. That hierarchy does not disappear during sex and some people find that hierarchy to be critical to their arousal.
No matter what the cause, these fantasies are very common. Just keep in mind that no women ever wants to be raped and that the fantasies are not because she wishes she would be raped.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (31 May 2012): Ok. Here is the deal I see. Your wife asked you to rewind and re watch the rape scene? She is telling you something. However, before you do anything, you need to solve the problem where you and her don't talk about what you want. As an example, I have been with women where the idea of domination was extreme and others who want more "control the situation" women who want to be turned over, not asked to, or dragged to the edge of the bed for leverage.
Lastly, no matter what her degree of rough, always remember she is your lady and don't confuse rough in bed with being treated "bad" outside.
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A
female
reader, Sweet-thing +, writes (31 May 2012):
 It's like any sexual fantasy. It's not reality. It's just stimulating to women to sometimes fantasize about being "forced" to do something we might find repulsive in real life. This may be why many women aren't into porn; all the women in those movies are too "willing" so there's no tension; no plot. Show me a good naked flick where a woman is kidnapped and forced to perform sexual acts on a creepy guy and you have my attention. Or kidnap a maiden the night before she is to marry a young handsome prince and have a lowly stable man, who happens to be black as night, take her virginity and otherwise defile her, making her unfit for the kingdom and I'm interested! Sexual fantasy for many women involves that kind of tension. But trust me in real life we'd never want to be raped.
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A
male
reader, ManjunathBangalore +, writes (31 May 2012):
ManjunathBangalore is verified as being by the original poster of the question Honestly I don't like rough sex, leave aside rape. For me Sex should be slow and steady build up towards climax. I will be in full mood when my wife is enjoying the act, In fact my enjoying wife is more stimulating than one sided. But rape is one sided. Now I have decided to read several books on female sexual psychology because only then I will be able to give full satisfaction to my wife, because our mind is accustomed to stereotypes, that females are like flowers who should be handled with love care and all those stuffs. But what satisfies women is more important. So I expect some amount of psychological stuffs from agony aunts in their reply.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (31 May 2012):
 yep lots of women like rough sex (me included) not all of us are the flowers and candles and romance girls.
and rape fantasy is a very common one...
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 May 2012): I think I like rough sex more than not, but if there was any indication of it simulating rape, that would be the end. I could never be, even remotely turned on, by watching anything looking like rape...I have a difficult time watching prime time shows that give us a glimpse of what we know was a rape scene in the show...horrifies me.
There is a big difference to me...if I am stimulated, I feel safe, I am not being forced against my will, there is nothing torturing or dominating that I can't get out of, and we are going at it intensely and forcefully together that is rough sex to me...anything beyond that is not allowed.
I would not be comfortable with a guy that found rape to be stimulating sexually and I would seriously question a women's state of mind on that either...that is one of the worst acts on women and it disgusts me and shakes me to the core....that is an act of a very unstable, sick individual and all should lose their ability to perform sex and locked up who chooses to hurt a women this way. If you cannot separate between rough sex and rape....I really don't know what else to say...
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A
male
reader, Sandman +, writes (31 May 2012):
 The simple answer: yes. There are plenty of women who find rough sex very stimulating. There are also plenty of women who find it repulsive and disgusting.
There's no telling why someone, in this case your wife, would like something like this. But it's something that you should explore. Not to actually do it, but to find out how your wife views sex and what she wishes she could get from sex. This is very important in a marriage; to be open about your desires without being judged or scrutinized. But remember, just because she liked seeing it doesn't mean she wants to DO it. Those are two very different things. But if she does want to do this, discuss why you may or may not be able to meet this sexual fantasy for her. At least you'll know her fantasy and she'll know why you can't do it. Communication.
Hope this helps.
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