A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend has decided to end our relationship and we have agreed to be friends he told me he's not been well and had been to the hospital he won't tell me what's going on just its best for me to find someone else he said it was not good news and has spoken with his family about what he should do medically wise no one is telling me anything and its fine if he doesn't want to tell me exactly what's wrong and I'm wondering if he's making out its worse than what it is just so he has an excuse to dump me people do go to daft extreams to dump someone I could be wrong but I want him to tell me if he's got something so bad it could end his life drasticly what could I say to get him to tell me ? I'm not trying to push him but its certain things not adding up like he tells me he's really unwell but then he's seen in the pub having a laugh I don't mind us being friends its just lies I don't like , what can I say to him ? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, oldbag +, writes (6 July 2014):
 The fact you have a child together totally changes this situation.
Ofcourse he should tell you if it's something serious - ie that it will shorten his life - hence his child would lose his father.
The fact he is in the pub means nothing, I would be enjoying every last second however I chose - IF it was a terminal illness. If its not terminal then being in the pub is better than moping at home.
I would tackle both him and his family, at least to find out how serious the illness is, or indeed, if there is an illness.
You are going to have to explain to your child, THAT is the reason you need answers. They OWE the child an explanation and as he won't tell you, then he needs to speak to his child - if he's old enough to understand.
A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (6 July 2014):
 I can understand breaking up using a mysterious illness, but to hide from his child? That's non excusable. I see that your child is very young and will not understand, but has he considered when his child gets older and asks about dad? If it is life threatening and you find out he died later, then you will forgive him easily. What if it's just a lie then he would not be able to face you when you see he's still healthy the following years. Someone who comes up with a lie like this better be moving to a different city to avoid you and child family services. So I think he's telling the truth. You know him better. I can imagine him leaving you a video just before he dies, which starts with, "by the time you see this I am in heaven . . " He could be laughing in the pub because he wanted to live his last days having fun? I don't know. I would ask around, his family, his friends, his work place, and go through all the hospitals. I won't just sit around waiting for an answer.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 July 2014): I don't think it's fine to not tell someone you have a had a long term relationship with if you are very ill. Could he be lying- some narcissistic people would lie about things like this to get out of responsibilities or get sympathy etc.
You have a child together and he owes it to both of you to let you know what is going on period. Ask him directly and ask his family also.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (6 July 2014):
 Yes, having a child together makes a big difference in the advice.
I would without ask him if this is a hereditary illness and if he has even considered his child in all this.
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A
female
reader, Caring Aunty A  +, writes (6 July 2014):
 Now that you’ve submitted extremely VITAL information, the missing piece of the puzzle; “have a child together”! It would certainly be crucial for him to make known his foreboding mystery illness, lest he be lying and trying to dump you as you say.
What you say to him is; what you’ve omitted to say in the beginning – we have a child together... our child could end up with it!?
CAA
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 July 2014): well considering we have a child together its quite important if he really is ill why not tell me it could be something inherited and our child could end up with it , we were drifting apart and lived more like friends
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (5 July 2014):
He has dumped you due to some "mysterious sickness" and you feel he OWES you the diagnosis?
What would it matter? Let's say he had cancer and was given 6 months to live, maybe he goes to the pub to enjoy the last bit of time he has with friends. Maybe, he doesn't want pity? I don't think people go to the hospital to concoct a good lie to dump a partner, that seems a tad extreme?
If it was a lie, maybe he thought it would be "easier" for you to let go.
Either way, I'd let him go about his business. You two can't be friends right now, if ever. He knows that.
I think you need to respect his wishes either way. Whether he is lying or telling the truth.
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