A
female
age
30-35,
*mandanash
writes:My boyfriend and I have been together for about 10 months now. We stay in contact everyday and see eachother once or twice a week. Lately though, I don't hear from him as much during the day, and I'm the one asking to make plans. He's been super busy from work as well, as of recent. He doesn't really say as many cute things to me either. We have sex probably once a week as well, it's been that way for a few months. He's been busy and just felt somewhat distant. Is it normal for relationships to go into lulls like this?He asked me to a wedding in May with him, so i'm assuming he wants me to stick around.I'm just having an odd gut feeling that somethings wrong and he isn't telling me. I have high anxiety (as a medical condition), could it just be that coming into play as well?
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female
reader, Abella  +, writes (23 February 2013):
 Hi
Depression is a serious and debilitating illness and should never be ignored.
Encourage him not to ignore it. And gently bring him around to considering that he at least needs to speak to a Doctor about it.
the following may help provide more information and resources that you can access.
http://www.phac-aspc.gc.ca/cd-mc/mi-mm/depression-eng.php
A
female
reader, amandanash +, writes (23 February 2013):
amandanash is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell I talked to my boyfriend and told him that lately he seemed quiet and very to himself.
He told me that for him, in February he always feels really down and somewhat depressed.
He didn't really say much else than that. He said he's been quiet just from how busy he's been.
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A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (16 February 2013):
In just a short ten months I would still expect he's be still in the besotted stage. The first 12 to 24 month when a guy is seriously serious about a girl he can't get enough of her. Maybe working very hard and feeling under pressure could have contributed to how he is. But I think you are right to be a little concerned.After just ten months I would not be expecting a guy (if truly in love) to be seeking not less time with you. Instead I would be expecting to want to spend more time with you.I think you should take notice of your gut reaction.If you are an overly anxious person that could be wearing him down. Time for you to perhaps talk over your anxiety with a professional to get a little more control over that?Talk to a counsellor first, that will help you put things into perspecitive. If he asked you to accompany him to a wedding in May that sugggests he sees you as important. Has he received the invitation yet? Invitations probably go out in March. Have you met many of his friends? Have you met the couple intending to marry. I ask just to confirm that he is proud to be seen with you and introduce you to his friends (as a man in love will usually do that)Should you should be seeing more of each other? After ten months I would say yes. If not then yes, that would be another concern. And yes he should be initiating some of the plans for outings. You should sit back and let him take the initiative at times and see what he chooses. And notice how well he discusses the options with you first, so you both get to contribute to the outcome.The lull as you describe it does sound like a concern.Try to stay very calm before you ask him more about how he is feeling about the relationship. It could just be that he is anxious too, about work conditions, and so he is working extra hard. But it could be him stepping back from the relationship for reasons he has not said to you.If he is genuine and serious about you he will want to address this problem that has arisen for you. He may have some concerns as well and I believe you will listen to him and hear him out on those concerns, if any, and work with him to resolve the concerns, if he has any concerns.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (16 February 2013):
 "He's been busy and just felt somewhat distant. Is it normal for relationships to go into lulls like this?"
I guess this depends on the person? I mean things aren't that way for you, it's just him that's gotten "calmer" and less proactive. So, I think all of HIS relationships go into lulls. But that doesn't mean all relationships do. I've never had a relationship go lull, all my relationships have been packed with action and love declarations and fireworks all until they ended. 3 previous relationships of 18 months, current relationship going on 2 years. No lulls. A lot of passion, anger, ups and downs. There needs to be a balance though, too much passion did cause the past 3 relationships to end. But no passion at all.. and just dull, calm, boring every day regularities... Never experienced that.
Are you feeling okay with this? I don't think it matters really what's "normal" or not, what matters is if YOU are happy. If you're fine with lulls, and enjoy things the way they are, then no need to worry. But if you are concerned, don't like it, and aren't happy, then you need to talk to your boyfriend about it.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (16 February 2013):
 Your submittal has LOTS of details in it..... which details could describe LOTS of conditions (goings-on)....
IF, and since, you don't believe that your "something's amiss" alarm isn't blaring... then you need to ride out things for the time being... and see if anything changes such that you have reason to suspect that things aren't "OK" between the two of you....
ON the other hand.... you are also entitled to ask your guy just how he feels things are going between the two of you... and tell him that you've perceived things seem a little different, these days... .and it gives you pause...
IF you get reassurances from him... and they seem genuine and heartfelt... that take that time I mentioned above,... and let things be as they are....
Good luck....
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