A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hey, this is going to sound really superficial and awful of me, but do people judge you on the type of house and family you have? and is it normal to feel scared of being judged on because of this?I'm going out with this guy and i've been to his home which is really nice, tasteful and clean. But my house is ugly, falling to bits, and messy because of my family. It is no reflection of me, i'm a clean person, but i feel like people will believe that this is my lifestyle and that i'm a slob. And this is the really awful part... I love my parents to bits, but my dad isn't the most active and healthy guy, he's never been in to sports... I feel like people will see him and fear that i'm going to turn out like him... I used to be quite chubby and lazy when i was younger but i've developed a genuine love for sports and eat healthy now and can never imagine myself returning to my previous state, but i guess it's because of this that i'm so scared of people perceiving me this way... Especially when the guy i'm seeing is sporty as is the rest of his family...Anyway, i know you must all think i'm awful after reading this but please don't slander me, this is the only time i've ever voiced these feelings, i truly love my family and would never say or act in any way to offend them or make them feel i am ashamed of them... Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Sweet-thing  +, writes (7 June 2007):
 Unfortunately you can't immediately change your social status. But coming from a poor background myself I was sometimes embarrassed for my dates to come to my home. I have since learned that if someone truly loves you, your background won't matter. Because if they judge you (and snub you) based on your income level and social status, they were obviously quite shallow to begin with. You may encounter some obstacles as you entertain friends and dates at your parents home. But trust me, there are plenty of guys out there who couldn't care less. The right one will love you and your family for who you are not where you live, or how much money you possess. I wish you the best.
A
female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (7 June 2007):
 Messy and unfit...your parents must have done something right to turn out such a loving and caring daughter. You will be just fine having your boyfriend over. If you show him your room make sure it's clean okay? Don't sweat the small stuff sweetie.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 June 2007): I had the exact same feelings for my home... its a bit run down but, its all my parents could afford at the time. My girlfriends house is huge and very well decorated.
I was nervous to show my house to her, when i eventually did... she didn't say a thing. When i said i was nervous to show her my house she said "why im here to see you not your house".
So if he likes you then thats all you need to know, he likes you for you and not where you live.... plus its your parents house not yours :P. I do have to say though, i spend more time at her house than mine but, thats because her is bigger :D
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A
male
reader, Jamer70 +, writes (7 June 2007):
 Well i wont slander you. You sound like you dont want to be saying this.
There are a few things that you could do here, first is just explain to your bf that your house is really messy and its your family. He should understand this, i mean he is human.
Second if you dont want to let him see it messy try and explain to your folks that he is important and to make an effort, just to scrub up a bit, when he comes. You will proberly have to do the grunt work but it is one way.
Never let someone make you feel bad about your own family, if he doesnt like your unfit dad, who you love, he doesnt love you then does he. Same with your house and other family members.
Overall the best thing to do here is just explain it to him, and he should understand. If he doesnt rethink the relationship. From the sounds off it you wont need to.
Dont feel so bad about yourself, you sound like a good person.
Good Luck
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