A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I watched a documentary about the human body on BBC iPlayer and it made me realise how empty my life really is.p />It was about how the human brain developed. He (the presenter) was reflective on his teenage life and how he fell in love e.t.c. He also talked about how teenagers love to take risks and how by 20 the human brain has fully developed and become adult in its ways. Adults don’t take risks because the front part of their brain which keeps them grounded has fully developed.Anyway there was a scene where the author was talking with his kids and it really hit home for me. I have a really dysfunctional family where nobody talks to each other. My sister has completely ignored me for the last 2 years and my mum is just annoying she texts me all the time and always wants to talk as if I’m her husband or something. Uni ‘s coming to an end and I feel really sad.The only thing that would keep me sane would be to maybe get a job and earn some money. As a man it’s expected that I literally have to do everything myself. I’m shy and try to say hi to people but most of them don’t reciprocate back. I haven’t done any teenage things such as fall in love with girls just be young and enjoy life. I know at 20 it’s not the end of the world but I just can’t help feeling so sad about it. I’ve drunk alcohol and all and been hung over and it was fun.I’m really envious of people who have close ties with each other and are appreciated by their peers. It’s mostly the fact that I have no family that gets me down the most :’(I also get jealous of really confident people who can start conversations with anybody and be accepted straight away. I’ve tried that many times but I just get weird stares and feel like crying.Deep down I’m really unhappy with myself and just about everything and I don’t even know why :’(I take my antidepressants and I only get really upset at night near bedtime.Do people go through university or life feeling awkward, without maturing and without falling in love both in university and throughout their whole lives?
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 June 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for the responses, I guess there maybe is some hope after all :'(
A
male
reader, Dr T  +, writes (22 May 2011):
You say the 'only thing that' would make you happy? Try to give that one a little more thought. Yeah your teens and 20's are tough. But it does get better, you learn to let things go a lot more.You're on medication so you do want to change things which is good. Try to find other things to do, exercise is an amazing, natural anti-depressant. Even just 30 mins of brisk walking or cycling. Anything to get your heart rate up and keep it raised for half an hour. Try smiling at just one person a day. Just to see what happens. Could be a shop assistant, person on the street. I feels weird and often the other person is taken aback but try it, it makes you feel better. Love will happen when you feel better about yourself, so get selfish about this and concentrate solely on you. Write down things you have done that youre proud of: doesn't have to be a big thing such as earning a place in Uni. Anything that you felt good about. Keeping a diary is a great way to get your thoughts out and save your mental energy to look at the world around you. Fresh air, good food is very important, maybe try to get to grips with your family. You seemed to have answered a question within your question: "I’m really unhappy with myself and just about everything and I don’t even know why" - "It’s mostly the fact that I have no family that gets me down the most "You dont say why you and your sister don't talk but perhaps you can salvage that relationship. Talk to your mother about how she communicates with you and see if you can reach a level that works for both of you. Like a Uni project, plan a campaign of making your life better for you and put, even small, steps into action. That in itself feels good.It gets better mate.
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A
female
reader, natasia +, writes (21 May 2011):
 Hi thereSorry you feel so bad. But yes, lots and lots of us felt/feel the same. Actually, it does kind of get better over time, and it certainly gets better if you do manage to find someone and have your own family, because then, eg, bedtime is nice and warm and comforting because you have children around you. Children all together are a great thing, and will love you so much, and make you feel better. But that is some way off for you, I know. But firstly, you aren't at all alone - what you are feeling is felt by people from 'perfect' families with 'no problems' (if there is such a thing ...). It is a lack of confidence because of the stress and strain and challenge of changing from a child into an adult. It is classic teen/young adult angst. So don't beat yourself up about it. However, I think you also have this big upset in your life about your family. You feel like you are missing the foundation that others have. Your mum, although kind of dependent on you, is there at least, by the sounds of things - so you could try to build on that. It just sounds like she doesn't give you the kind of intelligent support you want - she takes rather than gives, or so you feel. Maybe you could try to talk to her about that.I am sure you will actually fall in love, and for damn sure you will get to feel a bit better/more confident over time.An example: I know a guy who was so shy, by age 30, that he couldn't even say hi to people. He met a Polish woman and they got together and married and are happy. He has a family, and a life. If there's hope for him, there is hope for you, for absolute certain.It won't be forever. But I do think you need a mate - someone to be close to, someone who loves you. I hope you find her.
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A
female
reader, based51 +, writes (21 May 2011):
 Yes, there are people that this happens to. It's really sad that anyone should experience life feeling so alone, but you can change this situation!!! Work at it bit by bit. I was like you not so long ago and I went through a dramatic transformation just because I took control of my life. Don't think of things as though this is just the hand you've been dealt, think of it that this is what you've settled for so far but now want more. You should definitely get a job. You'll meet so many new people there. The key is that you make a serious effort and not let any obstacle get in your way. Adopt the attitude that if you want something, the only way to get it is to take control of the situation and go out and get it no matter what the costs!!!And stop focusing on anything about yourself that you don't like. Write a list of positive things about yourself and add to it each and every day. Keep going over that list in your head. You DO have something to offer people and you CAN get what you need from them and you DO deserve it. Just keep telling yourself why this is the case. With increasing self-esteem and self-confidence you can take control and get whatever in your world you want. Keep that dream that one day you'll have the perfect job, the perfect job and the perfect children and just keep working towards it. None of that stuff just falls out of the sky even though that's very much what it feels like when that happens :)
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