A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Do open relationships work?I'm not asking because I want to have one or anything but a very good friend of mine says that it keeps her and her husband happy while he works away. He had an affair a few years back and she decided that to stay together for the kids but that she would also get to sleep with other men. I just don't see how it could work. Surely if you love one person, you wouldn't want anyone else?The reason why I have been thinking about it is due to the fact my boyfriend is in the army, and he is often away, as you can guess. I mentioned to her that I was missing having sex, and she said I should suggest it to my boyfriend while he is away. Its not going to happen, at all but I'm just interested in how it works, if it works and what people think about this kind of relationships?
View related questions:
affair Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (24 April 2015):
 I generally think that if you FEEL a need to add more people to the sheets.... that staying single and sleep around might be a way better option.
I have know a couple of couples.. (lol) who were into the open relationship/swinger lifestyle and in BOTH cases (one a 20+ marriage) the other a 12+ marriage) broke up. And in BOTH cases it was because the MEN where NOT OK with the wives having sex with other men, (one wife was bisexual one was not)- there was SUCH a huge double standard. Where the men in BOTH cases didn't stick to the "house rules" (which for many is open communication and no hiding who they are sleeping with and when) -they would really ACT single and just sleep around when the opportunity arose.
I think in the case of the second couple, SHE only "agreed" to this lifestyle to please her husband. To stay married to the man she loved. But when she found that OTHER men were interested IN her, she sucked up the attention and thought SHE could "play" too, which of course the husband wasn't happy with.
UNLESS the couple doing this are BOTH 100% willing to do this, can make some rules they can both agree to and keep- I don't see open relationships working very well.
Some women AGREE to this because they don't enjoy sex. And having the hubby go have sex with someone who means nothing to him is preferable to him leaving because he gets no sex.
Personally, I wouldn't do it. Sex to me MEANS something, more than just getting an orgasm, which means I would without doubt become emotionally attached to another guy if I slept with him. And then what? Drama? Divorce? Yeah, not for me.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (24 April 2015):
 my last marriage was open. he was fine with it as long as I didn't have a boy on the side. once i got my own playtoy he left. He only wanted to be open to stroke his low self-esteem.
I know off the top of my head three couples that are open and it works for them each married over twenty years.
it can work but everyone has to be very secure and open and honest and not define sex as love.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 April 2015): I'd be heartbroken if the love of my life told me he wanted to have intimacy with other people (read what we have is not enough)
I can't imagine how other people do it. I love him too much to be ok with it.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 April 2015): I believe that the only way an open relationship will work is if the two people involved are no longer in love with each other but need to stay together under the same household for some specific reason.
It will NEVER work if any one, or both, people involved still have feelings for the other.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 April 2015): I think good communication, honesty, respect and trust is the key to any healthy relationship. Your friend and her husband have that in their own unique way and that is the glue that holds them together. As for sleeping with other people, it works for them because they're probably not truly in love. Like she said, she is doing this for the kids. They are feigning a marriage for the sake of their family. It works for the two of them because they are communicating openly about their needs and wants, they are in agreeance to this relationship, they are being honest with each other and so far it works for them. What works for one person won't necessarily work for everybody. I personally would not be happy with that arrangement. My man is like my toothbrush. Just one of those things I do not like to share. Sex is sex. You can get that anytime, anywhere, with pretty much anybody. Having a guy who loves you and that you love, who only has eyes for you and vice versa, who you know is all yours, is a lot rarer. Your friend doesn't have that with her husband, obviously. So her open marriage is to compromise for what she can't have with him. If sex is more important to you than bring it up to your boyfriend. If love is more important, then stick to your guns.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 April 2015): Over the history of my lifetime, I've never known even one open-relationship that didn't end; because they broke-up over a third-party, or cheating. There is always somebody out there that will separate the couple. Somebody always gets jealous. It's only a matter of time. It's inevitable.
One of the reasons we date, is to find suitable partners through a selective process. If you continue that process after you've already found a mate; as human nature goes, you'll find someone you perceive to be better than the person you have. The goal is to stop searching once you commit. Otherwise, don't commit. Stay single.
If committed monogamous-relationships are challenged by temptation, why wouldn't one open to the public?
Anyone who tells you they work; it's only because they cheat behind their partner's back, and haven't been caught yet. Or, their partner cheats and they haven't caught them.
They don't always want your approval, or need permission.
Seriously?!! What's the point of commitment?
If you can't wait for your man to comeback, breakup and be single.
By the way, mention this to your boyfriend; and he will never trust you again. That, or he will take the liberty of doing as he pleases while he's away. Assuming you do.
Best way I know to get yourself replaced. Don't believe me?
Try it!
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 April 2015): Don't think so.
Jealousy will rear its ugly head sooner or later and so will insecurities.
It is rare to have sex with someone in a relationship and not have feelings or emotions involved, especially for women. Either way, I am certain a woman AND a man have the potential of getting possessive of their partner. So many problems waiting to happen...
All of the insecurities, possessiveness, lack of trust, jealousy and so many other factors WILL eventually destroy your relationship.
It is cheating with permission. And it's still cheating. All of the fall out will be exactly the same.
I wouldn't even go there.
...............................
A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (23 April 2015):
 Yes.. they do, for a while....
"a while" can be from 10 minutes to many, many years. YOU have to figure out how long you can endure it....
Good luck....
...............................
|
