A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi everyone, I am in a kind of weird situation and was hoping for some feedback. The big question I am dealing with is the issue of "on again off again" relationships. For the past several months I have been seeing a neighbor, but he recently started behaving as a platonic friend. (There is chemistry and flirtation, but nothing had happened between us.) Of course, this change made me a little crazy and I talked to him about it. He was reluctant to discuss this but - from what I could deduce - he has a long standing on-again off-again girlfriend. Right now it seems like they are "on" and trying to make it work. I have strong feelings for this man and we are both at a point in our lives where we are mature enough to be in relationships. I have never been in an on/off relationship. My question is do these relationships ever work in the end? I have been trying to date other people, but I am kind of invested in him at this point. I cannot help hope that his relationship will end. . . Any words of wisdom?
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 April 2009): its no problem - think you know the right answers anyway.
- do you wait for him \ her to split up - No. it could be 30 years away. so you are doing the right things by seeing whats out there.
- do you get involved with someone else then dump him for the neighbour - that would be unfair. so please be honest when you are out dating - otherwise we get a post of "she dumped me for the neighbour".
i think the chat idea might be an answer - but takes courage and timing. however if your feeling is right then it would be worth it. If he turns round and says "I was drunk before it shouldn't have happened I am sorry but i love my GF" then you know where you stand. (well you move away actually so that you don't pine)
Star.x.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 April 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionSorry - I wasn't very clear about this. The "on / off" relationship I was wondering about is the one is in. He sounded extremely tired of the situation and ready for it to end. . . but then ended up going back to this woman. I guess the familiarity is easy. I am starting to date again, but also holding out (rather evil!!) hope that they won't work out.
Anyway, thank you so much for reading all of this. I really appreciate the objective insight!
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 April 2009): but he is into someone else now - so you are going to wait for that to fail....? how long would you wait? also if he wanted you - would he go after someone else?
on-off relationships can work so long as you both want the on bit to continue. you need to find this out.
you could try and talk to him and say "look i know you are seeing someone - but i really fancy you?"
Star.x.
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 April 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI really appreciate your response, but I disagree. There is definitely a spark between us. It was my fault that nothing happened in the past. I was actually freaked out by how much I liked him and hesitated at a key moment. . . (SO stupid of me.)
Anyway, thank you for reading and sharing your opinion -- I just wanted to explain the situation a little bit better.
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 April 2009): yes - the words of wisdom are that he is not that in to you.
(note to self that's the 100th time I have used that phrase since reading the book, i must stop).
Don't waste your time on a part time - seasonal lover - go find someone who is really into you, who wants you full on 24x7.
Star.x.
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