A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:When I was younger I loved to have options - like at school I was the smartest kid there and so I had a lot of opportunities and possibilities and could do anything with my life. Now I'm settled on a single career path which is ok, but I miss having infinite possibilities. And now we come to the boyfriend... it's awful to say it, but it's almost the same deal as my career. Everyone who's known me a long time is surprised now to see me so settled with one man. My brother thought I'd never settle down permanently with a guy because I'm too changeable and picky and I feel trapped so easily. I've always had at least a few guys interested in me at a time, so once again there have been options, and I loved the possibility of meeting someone new and great at any moment. To be honest, I think I also liked the attention more than I'll admit to myself. But my boyfriend now is completely lovely and sweet and we're all set to move in together in a few weeks. I've never lived with a guy before and I guess I'm just scared - is that normal or a bad sign? His family love me (mine aren't 100 % sold on him though) and he's the first guy ever who hasn't made me feel trapped. We've only been together for about 10 months though. I guess I'm asking for an outside perspective on this. Do most people feel unsure about moving in with someone for the first time? It does feel right, but at the same time I feel really nervous. What if it doesn't work out? I'm not sure if my nerves are normal or a fear of having my life completely mapped out, no more possibilities in my career or love life. And how do you know if someone is right for you? He feels right most of the time but sometimes I get annoyed, mostly because he's kind of messy and absent-minded.... there are things he does that really annoy me when my housemate does them, like forgetting to take his clothes out of the washing machine for a few days or not washing his dishes. One last thing (and sorry about how rambly this is getting!) I often feel like I'm not good enough for him. I feel like it's only a matter of time till he realises this and leaves me. Conversely, he and almost everyone else think he's not good enough for me. So can this cause problems down the line in a relationship? He does seem to think I'll wake up to my senses and leave one day and I feel like a bit of a fraud and that he'll realise I'm not as great as he thinks.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 December 2010): It is totally normal! I am moving across country to my boyfriend, and I was wondering the same thing.
I have never been so in love with someone and when you get nervous, the what if's start to make you go crazy which then turns it into a big mess. I am scared/excited/happy/sad. The sad bit is leaving my family and dogs, but there is always phone and skype.
It's normal, things about each other will always bug you. I was nervous too about something good not working out when you live together but the key thing is to have communication. The what if's are a humans way of preparing yourself for the worst that could possibly happen. Sometimes it's a good thing and sometimes if you can't control it, it can overcome you. And as for the two of you thinking you aren't good enough for each other- just think- if he isnt "good enough" for you, would you have chosen him? and vice versa?
Man, I should really listen to some of my own advice sometimes. ;)
Good luck with everything.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 December 2010): it preety normalfor you to be unsure about how youre feeling now, it would be better if you tried gradually like from sleep over then eventualy to moving in dont rush it. maybe you love this guy thats ehy you dont feel trapped so dont sweat that. as for the two of you feeling like you are both not good enough for yourselves you guys need to stop that cause it can cause insecurities in your relationship
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A
male
reader, Welsh Uncle Dave +, writes (9 December 2010):
In terms of moving in, it is completely natural to feel nervous, because this is one of the biggest tests for a relationship - being able to live together.
Your nerves are probably heightened though due to friends/family thinking he's not good enough for you. Why do they think this way?
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