A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:ok, where do I begin...I am seeing a guy and I love him very much, when we started seeing each other he was married and I was engaged, almost like a infatuation relationship, his wife found out and of course she told my fiance, so both our relationships ended. We soon found ourselves together just like we had planned, but we had alot of problems, I felt his was pulling himself away from me because of many reason, the ex-wife left him with thousands of dollars in debt of bills she was not paying and credit cards she got in his name, so he told me at that time (this summer) he had alot of things going on in his life and he just needed a break, he started seeing someone else shortly after and I went back to my fiance....The girl he started seeing was more his age he is 39 and I am 33, well I guess that fell through so one day at work I received a love card and love song cd in the mail with no name, then a few days later I received another card and cd in the mail at work, I assumed it was him but was not for sure, so my friend called and asked him, he finally admitted it and said I love her I can't live without her she is my best friend, I cant stop thinking of her....so I gave in and met him and we talked and started seeing each other again, I was so miserable when I was not with him, I was so hurt but still got back with my fiance but I was truly not happy with him all I could think about was ......so we are now together again, I left my fiance and am now with .....things were awesome we had sex all the time we have been back together since January full-time... but started talking again in October...I'm a very attractive girl especially for him, not saying he's not good-looking but everyone says I am way to pretty for him, but in my eyes he is the hottest man in the world....we had sex every night and I loved it...he has been on medication (anti-depressant) which I know causes the sex drive to be lower but I need it and I feel like something is wrong with me that he is not attracted to me...also he has many projects going on he is having apartments built and buying rental property for retirement $ when he retires in 10 yrs. so he is dealing with contractors and banks etc....but it's like he has cut me off..he says he is doing all this for our future...he does work hard at his regular job and works 10-12 hrs a day but he has no time for me even in the evenings he comes home eats showers and lays in the bed with his laptop for 2-3 hours then when it's time to go to bed he will snuggle and not do anything, he used to have sex when we went to bed but he seems not to be interested at all...he has mentioned that he is very stressed, and trying to take care of the new build and is really busy during the day working and dealing with different things...but why do I have to suffer for these things? It makes me feel he is not into me, what do I need to do...Do men get like this when they are stressed, not wanting to have sex. I hate bitching about it and getting mad and claming up but it hurts and I don't understand, what do I need to do? I am going crazy and I want it to be fun the way it used to be and I want him to want me the way he used to, it is making me not want to be with him, but if I am not I will be miserable.....I some advice....
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a break, at work, best friend, debt, engaged, ex-wife, fiance, sex drive Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 March 2009): Seems as though you are settling into normal married life -boring isn't it??? I get the feeling that this is all about you, you , you. What you want and when you want it! It seems as though you are acting like a sulking/confused teenager who is not getting what she wants. And what do you want. MORE SEX. Is your relationship only based on sex. If it is then you should be concerned.
You don't seem remorseful in that you may have destroyyour fiance whom you cheated on. You need to realise that when you both were cheating on your respective partners the thrill was there. You both destroyed 2 lives to be together. You don't even appear to feel guilty about the cheating. Now routine is setting in and you don't like it! Getting your just desserts?? I don't know.
If you want to salvage this relationship it shouldn't just be about me! me! me! Make this relationship more than just sex. Who knows - perhaps it will work. It seems as though you are more in LUST than in LOVE.
I am sorry I am telling you what you do not want to hear. Please do some soul searching and decide what you need/want to do.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 March 2009): Hes stressed out by work.but some things are weighing him down.am sure he dosen't want to talk about it but try and get him to talk about it..'problem shared is half solved if not solved at all!give it a try.(-?-)
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