A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Is it normal for men when they are in long term relationships not to want sex anymore? I used to think it wasn't normal but now I am not so sure. My boyfriend (36 yrs old) and I's sex life is non-existent. We had sex for the one and only time in our relationship over 18 months ago. We tried on subsequent occasions not long after this but I found it really painful so we couldn't do it. I found out I had a condition which caused this and it has been treated although I do get the odd flare-up now and again. My boyfriend was very sweet and reassuring about it all at the time, however since that time my boyfriend hasn't been interested in sex at all and any affection has virtually gone. I feel like the really sweet guy I fell in love with has got buried underneath a cold exterior and I don't know how to get him back. The last time we got passionate with each other was about a month ago. We both got really into it and I decided to ask him if he would like to try and have sex. What a passion killer that was - he said 'maybe next time', immediately stopped what he was doing, and turned over and fell asleep. Lately, I have started to get suspicious that maybe he is having an affair although I have no concrete proof. This is only really based on my theory that guys are always after sex so if he isn't wanting it with me then he must be getting it from someone else! However, I was talking to a friend of mine who told me that her and her husband were getting divorced - they had not had sex for over 4 years. My friend ended up looking elsewhere for sex which really shocked me as I didn't think she would do something like that. So, maybe men in long term relationships aren't as interested in sex as I first thought. I have started to feel rejected, and that my boyfriend doesn't find me attractive anymore. I have tried talking to my boyfriend, but he says he finds some things difficult to talk about.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 October 2009): I am the original poster of the question. My bf and I are in a LDR, so maybe he is wanking alot and that satisfies the urge! I know my bf doesn't look at on-line porn as he doesn't know, and has little interest, in operating computers, so at least I have that to be thankful for.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 October 2009): Up until my last relationship, sex had been good throughout my relationships and it was always a priority. My last partner had a porn addiction and preferred to wank off rather than have sex with me (that was his problem, not mine). Perhaps your partner isn't having an affair, but rather became too accustomed to wanking?
Just an idea....
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 October 2009): I am the original poster of the question. Thank you for the answers. In response to the last poster, in what way do you mean uptight? If anything, everyone thinks I am far too laid back with him! How do you condition someone to not want sex with you?!?! Apart from the lack of penetrative sex, we had always had a great time in bed. I would hate to think that I could have in any way conditioned him in to not wanting sex with me, as I have a very healthy sex drive.
We have only been together for 2 years, so I hardly think I have aged that considerably to warrant calling it losing my youthful good looks. I am in the healthy weight range and wouldn't call myself fat at all, if anything I am on the slim side.
I certainly haven't got heavy with him in any way, whatsoever! In fact, it had been him that mentioned moving in together before I was ready!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 October 2009): He probably is having an affair and/or beating the spanking the hell out of the poor monkey when you're gone.Sounds like you were a bit uptight with him from the start. Now you've basically conditioned him to not want sex with you. He probably thinks, "this is going to be a hassle so why even bother getting started?"Did you lose your youthful good looks? Did you get a bit heavy? If so, these could also be major factors contributing to his disinterest.Head out to the gym and start working out a few times per week. Rent a few pornos to learn some new skills. Better yet, ask over a girlfriend you know he finds hot and kiss her full on the mouth in front of him. If after you have gotten into shape and learned a few sexy tricks this last tip doesn't get him interested, there is a good chance he is gay and you can safely move on.
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A
male
reader, jonnyrichards  +, writes (15 October 2009):
i was in a relationship for 5 years with my true love. and sex never became boring. we always used to do it 3 times a week. we tried new positions and experimented with kinky, sexy talk all the time. this meant that are relationship in the bedroom stayed strong all this time. at the start neither of us felt confortable with the experiments but after a few weeks it became exciting and very important to the both of us. maybe you could try this and see how you get on, but stick with it even if it isn't comfortable to start off with. good luck.
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