A
female
age
30-35,
*rincess166
writes:Do men become possesive after sex?I've been with a guy for nearly a year now, and we recently started having sex around the beginning of the year. I've noticed now he occasionally refers to me as me 'my girl' . He wants to see me the whole weekend and weekdays and is now openly jealous ( eg if we walk past some guys and they check me out, he does this jealous laugh like he isn't amused) when other guys look at me.I've always worn short dresses and tight skirts since it suits my figure but now he makes comments about how I flaunt my figure and mentions the length of my dresses etc. He was never like this before we had sex! Are men territorial? Iam curious to know
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female
reader, Sincerely Yours  +, writes (29 March 2010):
 Well.. you know what everyone said something slightly different based on their own experience. If nothing else, this should teach you, OP, not to ask a question like "do MEN get possessive" because that refers to all men and the resulting answer would be a stereotype. Yes there are some physchological facts and whatnot but not every human being on the earth falls victam to the same study conclusions. I don't think any two humans are exactly alike, though thousands are similar. If you want to know why he has changed, asked him. Bottom line is, we don't know him, so we can't tell you.
Take care.
~sy
A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 March 2010): "most men think its a women’s fault when she gets raped"
Apart from this being a completely false generalisation, you also forget to mention that women too, can blame women when they get raped, especially if they were "asking for it" by wearing provocative clothing, being drunk and in unsafe areas, etc.
People forget that women are often their own worst enemy. Many at a very deep level are bitterly jealous of each other and actually like to one another fail. That folks, is the reason for why women STILL don't have equality in our society.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 March 2010): The first boyfriend I had and had sex with, did the same thing.
He'd suddenly be very controlling of what I was doing at all times. As if he owned me. He told me how to dress, which of my friends I could and could not see, etc.
I did not like it. It ended badly.
But your situation could be different.
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A
male
reader, IHateWomanBeaters +, writes (29 March 2010):
 wow this is thread is filled with crazy people!
CLOTHES HAVE NOTHING TO DO WITH SEXUAL INTENTIONS!
Get a grip, folks.
The OP's boyfriend is flat WRONG and insecure.
OP find a guy that can appreciate you and not give a fuck how you dress.
You have got to do that seriously.
Be yourself!
I tell this to men too.
If your girlfriend is telling you to change something that is not you, don't hide it, show it.
IF they can't take you for who you are, then LEAVE.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (29 March 2010): Almasdp is speaking from experience. My dad did this to my mom and still, now at almost 80, even though they are separated and he does not live with her, he still thinks the same way and still believes that my mom has cheated, has extra men about now. I know my dad is insecure even though his image is one of strength. My mom goes to church and prays and she is meek and unfortunately for her she has endured a lot of psychological pain. Your guy is possessive and a control freak. You have been forewarned.
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A
male
reader, IHateWomanBeaters +, writes (29 March 2010):
OP...
The stuff about it is natural for men to be angry if a man is looking at their girl is untrue.
However, say you were my girfriend and someone were to be staring at you, you said stop, and they continue?
I would be pissed then.
However, if some guy is staring at you hard and thats it, it would not bother me.
If it did bother me, then I would be telling you to stop for me, not to protect you.
That is the truth.
As far as telling you not to wear certain clothes.
THAT IS BULLSHIT.
IT IS NOT TO PROTECT YOU.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 March 2010): I see no real evidence from your post that your boyfriend is abusive and it will escalate and that you should get out.
I think from what you are describing here any way unless you left something out, is that he loves you and is a bit insecure at times....not a great thing to feel but pretty normal when you take the relationship a new deeper level.
Just talk to him about it in a loving manner and tell him how you feel.
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A
female
reader, Sincerely Yours +, writes (28 March 2010):
Hey, whoa. My husband is so sweet. He doesn't like guys looking at me and he and pretty much every other guy I've met call their girl friends "my girl." I don't think those are signs that you should leave him because he will beat you one day. That's a bit of a stretch.
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A
male
reader, IHateWomanBeaters +, writes (28 March 2010):
haha strong fp... YOU become jealous and possessive.When a guy looks at women I am with, I don't give a f***.No, men SHOULD NOT do what he is doing.It is the beginnings of an abusive relationship.I am telling you right now, what you are about to experience and what you are experiencing is the early stages of the onset of an abusive relationship.Get out. He is already being controlling and possessive."My girl" is basically him referring to you as property. Sorry, but if you don't leave, things will get bad.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 March 2010): I agree with both of these aunts...you need to tell him how you feel about him and also how you feel at the time he makes comments about the way you dress.
There is nothing wrong with covering up a little bit more when out in public with him and looking a little less like you are going to a club or meat (meet) market.
It isn't OK for him to do that to you, and you would be best to stop him in his tracks the next time he does that.
Do men get posessive after having sex with them. In a way they do. What is happening is that you two have been in a long relationship and you have taken it to the next level with sexual intimacy which deepens your bond and he loves you. Love is posessive contrary to pop culture a moderate amount of jealousy is normal. It is when it attempts to control another where the problems start. Every relationship comes to a power struggle stage and usually that is about fear of loss and power as you are feeling more vulnerable and intimate. Talk about this and figure out a way that you can both honor each other and your relationship...ask him to tell you when he is feeling a bit insecure so that you can reassure him instead of getting annoyed and controlled.
Good Luck
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A
female
reader, Sincerely Yours +, writes (28 March 2010):
Some men want their girl's on display and some men go with the "hands off, eyes off" way of thinking. Personally, I'm happier with my husband's approach of standing behind me so no one can look at my butt, kind of thing. It's so cute, and manly if you ask me.
He probably saw you in a different light after having sex with you. When he sees you in revealing clothing, he probably can't help but to sometimes think of sex, which could be opening his eyes to the fact that that's very well how other guys are looking at you too. And maybe it's ok for him if they admire the way you look, but okay if the thinking goes any deeper than that.
You have the option of dressing however you want, but you also may want to think about how much of a sacrifice it would be to cover up for his sanity. For instance, my husband (with a straight face) asked me if I could buy tshirts that are long enough to cover my butt. He likes me to wear long sleeves and pants and probably a scarf and turtle neck too. That's not ok with me, so he's accepted that I will wear figure-fitting shirts and I will never dress in short skirts or low-cut tops. To him that means, I'm on the market and open for business and he doesn't want me saying that to other guys. And as long as I can dress comfortable, it's not at all a problem for me to adjust to the way he wants me to look as his wife. Give a little, take a little.
If it's making your boyfriend crazy, maybe there's a compromise you can strike. But of course, if you don't want to, you have every right to dress how you please. And his sarcastic laughing when other guys look at you s bugging you, calmly bring it to his attention and ask him to stop.
And take care.
~sy
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 March 2010): If he's started making comments about how you dress, and is showing jealousy then I'm not so sure you're going to end up having a good relationship with this guy sweetie. "Men" don't become possessive after sex.. only those with underlying emotional problems. Watch his behaviour carefully and if it gets worse, leave.
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