A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi just wondering if you could help me with this situation i have been friends with a man i like for about a year now he was married but they are separated but still living together till she moves out. He has told me he likes me and wants to be with me just not yet till his ex moves out then we can be together straight away my problem is till she moves out i cant text call or Facebook him at all so no contact till we can be together do you think this is worth waiting around for i do really like him thanks
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 January 2014): I am in this position right now. I am separated and live with my "husband" and I will tell you what my reason is. FINANCES. That is the only reason.
I have moved on from him emotionally, physically, etc. I have a boyfriend of 6 months and my ex knows about him. My ex and I have an amicable arrangement as we have a child together as well.
I do not call this "living together". I call it an arrangement. It is easy to say that it is because both parties still care about each other.
As someone in this situation right now, I can tell you it has nothing to do with caring about the other person.
I have been out of work. We lost all our savings. We have a ton of debt. We have lots of bills to pay. We have nobody who can help us. We are in a financial mess. I need his support right now unfortunately and cannot afford to go anywhere, period. He does not make a ton of money so he could not pay me a whole lot of support either. He is supporting me til I move out for good this spring. Why? I guess he is a nice guy? I cannot speak for him.
But for me, I can tell you there is more involved than feelings.
All of you who have posted are not in my shoes. So you can guess feelings. That is a logical assumption. But not always true. And not true for me. I have feelings for my boyfriend.
And my "husband" knows it. He has also chatted with females on dating sites and has gone out on a date or two. But he realizes he will need to hold off on dating til our separation/divorce is final. He knows it would not be fair to involve another person in a situation which has not been fully resolved.
Me, on the other hand, I did not expect to find love so soon. Just snuck up on me in the other man. I disconnected from my "husband" many years ago and had been living a lie just to please everybody else. And I opened myself to the other guy, who makes me very happy.
Situations are not always cut and dry. They are complicated.
Yes, it is best to wait for him to be free. You would be putting your heart at risk if you did not because you never know for sure. And especially stay away because his wife lives in the same house. He may not have feelings for her anymore (or he may, not realize it or deny it) but it is still too complicated for your to enter the picture. Best to start out with a clean slate. Because if you put yourself in the middle now, chances are it will not turn out well in the long run.
My guy does not know I am living with my ex. He knows me to be separated. I have lied to him. And I feel bad about that but I could not run the risk of him walking away from me if I told him the real situation.
It is a good thing your guy is being so honest with you and not trying to hide it. If you end up with him, his being honest is a very good way to begin a new relationship.
Hope it works out for you.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 January 2014): What Honeypie said basically hits the nail on the head, but I'll add my two cents. You can't text, call or facebook WHY?! Separated is such an easy word to throw around, it requires no prrof and if anyone finds out that they're not, they can just back track and say well we were having problems and i thought...or whatever excuse. Honestly, they're still in the same house so HOW exactly is that separated?!Yes, divorces are messy, but more often that not the reason people don't move out is because there is at least still strong feelings, a slither of hope for them, if neither party has moved out (and i know i know, they have no money, friends and family are in another state blah blah) they have in no way reached the end of the road.My friend was in the same boat a few yrs ago, in fact they went out for a long while, she introduced him to everyone, because her bf and separated wife had kids they were supposedly living under the same roof until the divorce came through. Then she got the call from his wife calling her a slut and saying there was no such separation-cue broken heart, utter humiliation etc.Without a complete divorce you are completely allowing yourself to become the other woman, which I think we all know is NEVER something you wanna be.Please bear in mind, some people stop at nothing to get what they want (ie. a bit on the side), also we only know as much about a person as they want to show us.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (4 January 2014):
 Just no, don't put your life on hold for some guy like this.
You SHOULD be able to call him IF the marriage is over and they are separating and divorcing. TO me it sounds like he is a little too "considerate" of the soon to move out wife.
Do you think it's even SMART to be with a man STRAIGHT away after she moved out? If moving out doesn't mean divorcing, then were do you even stand?
I'd walk away til the divorce is final, if you find someone else in the mean time - hiss loss.
In other words, LADY... HE IS STILL MARRIED. You know what the means right? DRAMA.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 January 2014): the only reason it would matter if you text/call/etc is if he isn't really separated.
leave.
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A
female
reader, Ciar +, writes (4 January 2014):
 Until his ex is completely out of the picture, physically, emotionally and legally, you're a free agent.
Don't wait for him. If you're still interested and available by the time he's ready, then go out on a few dates and see where it leads. I recommend you keep all sexual activity off the table though. The more intimate you become, the harder it will be to walk away if you end up having to do that.
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