| A
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: me and my bf broke up about a month ago and i am heartbroken even tho he was very abusive. he would torment me about being raped before we got together, smack me, shake me, scream in my face, call me names, and even spit on me once. it was horrible but i cant help but feel heartbroken when i see him talking to this other girl. it makes me want to cry when i see him holding her hand, or smiling at her, touching her cheek and telling her shes beautiful. i am literally sick to my stomach. i just want to scream and tell her how he rlly is. this poor girl has no idea what shes in for, is what comes into my mind. he acted the same way with me at first. it makes me feel worthless. like, why was i not good enough to be treated right but she is? when things started getting bad with me and him, he would even treat me badly in school, calling me names, grabbing me, etc. why can no one see what i see? do i tell someone? what about this girl? when she comes into school one of these days with a busted lip like i did, what will her excuse be? will she stick around? i feel the urge to tell her... what do i do? my stomach turns whenever i see him. help please. thank u!
View related questions:
broke up, heartbroken, her ex Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, michelle411  +, writes (25 November 2009):
 hey sweetheart!!!
first of all u are young and that means u r old enough to move on b/c i know from experience that this guy doesn't love you at all!!! i was in a really abusive relationship for over 4 yrs, and i left him it was hard but in order for it to be over i had to put a restraining order on him. he threatned me and my family, and i had to learn the hard way that that's not normal behavior. anyone who spits in ur face or yells excessivly doesn't love you at all. i hope that you don't let the fact of the other girl bother you b/c thet way i see it is she will be going through what you did. i actually went to a support group for my broken heart and everyone there were more than willing to help me get through it. i hope that u will be able to move on and love yourself again, b/c my ex broke down every aspect of my self esteem. i am happily engaged to a wonderful man and thzt became b/c i wasn't with that looser anymore. best of luck to you
A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 November 2009): I think that you need to tell your parents first off what your ex boyfriend did to you. Repeated abuse like this does serve to lower your self esteem, the abuser is trying to keep you under control by battering your spirit and your self worth, that is why it is so effective.
Do not let him win by continuing where he left off and picking on yourself and making yourself feel badly when you see him with someone else.
If you are stuck, you really need to seek out some professional help, perhaps ask your parents to get you some counseling...it would be really beneficial to help yourself get back on track and to learn ways to protect yourself from such abuse in the future.
I would be tempted to tell the other girl, too, how he really is, but the sad thing is if she already likes him, she probably won't believe you. You might want to talk to a school counselor about his abuse and your concern for the other girl so that they maybe can keep an eye out on her.
It isn't your responsibility to tell her, but I can certainly understand why you want to warn her...but right now I think you want to warn her to get back at him or to ruin what looks like a replacement relationship for you. Don't worry about that, he is a total loser and you don't need to be concerned that he is going to be happier with her and will treat her better than he did you. It doesn't work that way, an abuser is an abuser and he will treat her just as badly in time. Which is a sad thing for her.
Please get some help for yourself. Start by opening up to your parents.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 November 2009): You must tell someone. There are plenty of Domestic Abuse helplines who can counsel you through this. The problem with going up to her and telling her straight is that because she is in the honeymoon period and hasn't seen this side to him, she'll just see you as the jealous ex who wants to break them apart and it may drive her closer to him.
Advice lines can and will help you. They can advise you on the best course of action and how to help this girl. Whatever you do, please don't go through this alone. There's such a good support network you will find all the help you need there.
Best of Luck and take care x x x
...............................
|
