A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes: My older brother and I went to the same college. I lived in a different dorm than him and rarely saw him in the two years we were at the same school. One night my room mate brought a girl in and had sex with her. They were both very drunk. After my brother graduated he moved back home and I when I came home for the summer I met his new girl friend. She was the girl that my room mate slept with. She told my brother that she was a virgin and she beggged me not to tell him that she wasn't. I haven't said a word in all these years to him about it. My old room mate and I are still acquainted and recently I found out from him that he and my sister in law had another fling just before she married my brother. He claims that he didn't know she was with my brother. What's worse is that I think he is the father of their first child and not my brother. I was able to keep quiet about the virginity issue but I feel like after I have found out this new information that I am obligated to tell my brother the truth. Should I tell him the truth or not? I am afraid this will destroy him.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (20 April 2010): Too bad the forces of political correcness have decided that lying about sexual histories is a victimless crime. It's PC to think these lies suggest absolutely nothing worrisome about a person's future behavior.
Otherwise you could have listened to common sense, told your brother about the lying back when you first saw it, and saved him from the whole mess several years ago.
Now DNA testing needs to be done on all of their kids, period.
A
female
reader, raiders +, writes (20 April 2010):
 You kept quiet once, but you just found out she is still sleeping with your roommate. When you agreed to keep her virginity issue a secret you became her accomplice fine you did it that topic is over, but she continues to lie and cheat why play a part of that. I have to disagree your obligation as a sister and knowing about this continuous affair is to open your brothers eyes. If he gets upset at you and forgives her, than it will be on him and his decision, you have cleared your conscious. If he gets mad at you eventually he will get over it you are his sister, don't allow him to keep on getting play, take that blindfold off his eyes.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 April 2010): I agree with Q also I think if you were going to tell him you should of done it before they were married.
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A
male
reader, TimmD +, writes (20 April 2010):
 How has your brother's marriage been since their wedding? How has your sister in law treated him? Any signs of lying, cheating, etc from her?
You have to be a little careful.... yes, your loyalty is to your brother, but telling him the truth might not be the best thing. If she treats him good, doesn't lie to him and has changed, then fine. Does he love the child? Does the child love him? Are they all happy? Has she "changed"?
People make mistakes. I'm not saying you should just always ignore these kinds of things, but given this exact situation, you might just want to hold off rushing into things. Sure, he'll know the truth... but it could potentially ruin a "good" marriage. The information you have is life changing for a lot of people....
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (20 April 2010): Thanks, to everone who answered but I still don't know what to do.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (20 April 2010): Yes tell him. He has a right to know everything.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (20 April 2010):
 PS. you should have been honest with your brother from the very beginning. Your loyalty lies with him not with her. But let her get a chance at telling your brother first. I believe your brother will get mad at you too since you kept the truth from him for so long. But at least you are doing something about it now.
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A
female
reader, chigirl +, writes (20 April 2010):
Confront her and tell her that either she says the truth or you will.
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A
female
reader, Carrot2000 +, writes (20 April 2010):
 Before you do anything, you should confront her and give her an opportunity to come clean to your brother about her lies. The baby may be your brother's, so dropping this information into his lap without definitive evidence of paternity could do more harm than good. This situation is your SIL's mess, not yours. Although you are looking out for your brother, she is the one who owes him the truth and has to take responsibility for any fallout.
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A
female
reader, raiders +, writes (20 April 2010):
It's your job as a sister to open your brothers eyes. He has been lied and not only deceived by his girlfriend but by his sister too. Your loyalty is to your brother I still don't understand why you stood there and let your brother get trick into a marriage. Do not allow your brother to continue in this bliss come forward and be honest. Do expect him to get angry at you but he is your brother and deserves to know!
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