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female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: ok so my dad is generally a really decent guy and nothing like this has ever happened before; he is really family orientated.but i have recently seen on the interent history that he has been searching for escort massages ( i assume that this is prostitution?)when he goes away on worknaturally i am mortified, but more to the point what do i do about it?do i tell mum and risk breaking up their marriage (not to mention the awkward conversation)or do i ignore it and let my dad be possibly unfaithful, demeening to women and possibly bring back some kind of STD?i can't tell any of my friends because i don't want them to think bad of my dad.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 November 2009): I know on DC most of the times the kids are told to stay out of their parents relationships since it is between the parents and not the child. I sometimes think this is the biggest bull. In most instances interference of our children actually do help us. It makes us parents to sit up and listen and stop acting like hypocrites.I strongly suggest that you have a talk to your mum, ask her to speak openly and honestly to her and also tell her that you want this conversation to be confidential (meaning good ole dad must not know) tell her what you found. It will hurt your mum, she may even try to justify his behaviour and may even deny it. but it will make her aware and then she needs to strategise how she is going to handle this indiscretion of your dads.She also needs to get a sti checkup, she needs to get him checked as well. no matter how difficult this will be for her, at least then she is now aware. If she doesn’t know something is wrong, how then can she go about fixing her relationship? I would not be concerned about any possible divorce situation , one thing i have learn is this- when people are confronted with their wrong doing, 80/90% of the time it forces them to make a decision and most of these times they choose their families. If your dad finds out that you told your mum then tough cookies. He needs to stop acting like a family man with a deep dark secret. Basically he needs to stop being a hypocrite, depicting the ‘do as i say and not do as i do mentality’. When kids ‘challenge’ their parents, the results are so much better. You see we need to account for our actions and who better to make us to catch a wake up than our kids. In your situation, you will be instrumental in assisting your mum confront your dads cheating ways. She needs to be wise when she confronts him, she needs to beat him at his own game and she needs to be aware of the lies and half truths he would give her. But he would also know that his game is up! you do not have to bagger him but at least he knows that all know. Good luck and please know this- speaking the truth is never a bad thing, it is only the people being ratted out that perceive the truth as wrong. tell the truth then leave it between mum and dad to sort out.
A
female
reader, pancakes rule  +, writes (7 November 2009):
 Who are you closest to? that's the person you should tell. I think you are too young to keep it to yourself, and you are worried about the state of your parents' marriage now, and for the future. He may just have been looking out of curiosity - people stay curious even if they are old! But what goes on between them is their business. Again, once you've told, stay out of it. They may give you an explanation embarrassing as it may be for them. Or they might start rowing about it. Either way it has nothing to do with you - by which I mean you aren't responsible for the result.
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 November 2009): It's difficult to tell what he is doing. My wife and I look at things like this out of curiosity. We normally look together or I show her what I have found. We have looked at Nevada brothel sites and things like that. We have no intention to use any of that stuff. Perhaps your mother already knows or he is just curious or does it as a fantasy. Looking at things like that is NOT cheating or wrong. Going for those services is.I would not mention it to your mother unless you have evidence that he is actually using those services. If you want to talk then I would do as Eyes suggests and discuss it with your dad first.
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 November 2009): Once you tell your dad, your mother will have no proof to confront him with. DO NOT TELL YOUR DAD.Never confront someone if you THINK they're cheating, your mother will EVEN need more evidence before she confronts him, she'll be checking his phone, bank statement, credit card info..etc..to see if he's been getting "massages." "Even when cheaters are confronted by their suspicious partners, only 6 percent of men and women actually confess to the affair." http://webcenters.netscape.compuserve.com/love/package.jsp?name=fte/whycheat/whycheatShe will need to start being a bit more observing of what he does, where he goes, etc. If you tell your dad, he may start just CHEATING smarter.
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female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (6 November 2009):
 Sorry about the hiccup.
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female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (6 November 2009):
First I would talk to your Dad. Just tell him what you found in the history and the concerns you have. He may have a very plasible reason for searching for massages. But ultimately it is up to him to tell your Mom or not. She may already be aware of his actions. Their marriage is their business.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (6 November 2009):
First I would talk to your Dad. Just tell him what you found in the history and the concerns you have. He may have a very plasible reason for searching for massages. But ultimately it is up to him to tell your Mom or not. She may already be aware of his actions. Their marriage is their business.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 November 2009): Sighs..the anonymous poster again..I forgot to mention..If it's "massages" it's basically hand stimulation on his ENTIRE body, but if he pays the right price, those women WILL offer more. Point is though, it's clearly cheating and clearly wrong.
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 November 2009): Hey there, I'm on the anonymous poster that said, you should, "do it." Just tell your mom, that you felt she should know but tell you mom NOT TELL YOUR DAD, THAT YOU FOUND IT.Tell her to say SHE LOOKED AT THE INTERNET HISTORY.That way, you won't feel in the middle.Good luck
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 November 2009): I'd tell her.
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female
reader, Brunette26  +, writes (6 November 2009):
I don't think you should tell your mother.men go through a phase sometimes ,and I'm sure he'll come around and stop whatever he's doing.but you don't want to mess their lives do you?.I don't think so.it may cause separation and problems that you will regret later on.your parents are adults and can look over them selves.if there is something going on between them then they will overcome it and solve it.but you don't want to make it worse.just ignore it .good luck!
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