A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:One of my good friends has recently started to date the guy i fancied. They seem good together, but i found out she had cheated on him. Do i tell him even though i promised her i wouldn't? Please help. They are both my friends. Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 May 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthank you so much for all your help i think i will talk to her about how i feel then think about what i'm going to do next.thanks again all of you really helped
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 May 2008): Okay-my ex boyfriend cheated on me and some of his friends knew. They didn't say a word even when they sat next to met at dinners- n' I really think they should have. Maybe being a decent person should come before being a loyal friend?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 May 2008): I think you need to tell the friend that cheated that you feel pretty uncomfortable keeping this secret. She needs to understand that this does not sit well with you and you do feel that you want to tell her partner.
It is simply not reasonable for someone to ask you to betray or be disloyal to a friendship to keep their sordid or poor form secrets. It becomes a moral issue for you, and you need to be true to your own standards as to what you are prepared to condone or not.
I get a hint that part of the consideration or reasons for perhaps you telling him, is because you were keen on this guy originally. If your dilema is based on that fact alone, then it will be for revenge perhaps. So maybe you need to consider why you feel the need first.
If I were you, I would tell her I am not cool with keeping this secret, I don't think cheating on someone is the right and respectful thing to do, and I don't respect or feel a person who can do this, deserves loyalty. I think I would talk to her about how this has put you in a very difficult position, and what does she recommend. This is her responsibility, not yours. At least the conversation will give her the opportunity to evaluate what she is up to at times. That could make her understand that what she has done, has consequences.
Don't continue to carry her monkey!
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A
female
reader, growing  +, writes (6 May 2008):
 The best way is to make your female friend realise what she is upto andmake her see things from the angle you can see it.may be that will help her to be loyal then onwards or she would make her mind to dump him.
And if you still fancy him then why not heel him with your care.who knows you two were the right partners and she just had to come to make him realise importance of your love for him......
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 May 2008): It's only fair to tell him, or at least try and persude her to tell him. I understand that she's your friend too, but he is only going to get hurt further if he doesn't find out. I'm sure in time she will realise that she was in the wrong and forgive you.
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