A
female
age
41-50,
*eandmyprobs
writes:I was seeing a guy I met through work for about 6 months. Not very often at first as I have two kids and only get a break every other weekend and he is very work dedicated.We talked online and on the phone for quite a bit for months before we met. On our first 'date' we hit it off and connected really well. We actually ended up having too much to drink (my fault) and he got us a room for the night. We are both very open individuals so it may have went a little further than it should have but we did not sleep together. So as I mentioned earlier, we continued to see each other far and few inbetween which gradually became to grow. He was promoted at work to a manager (not mine but very close to mine and the type of situation you cannot have any workmates know about). The problem was that I was really growing feelings for this guy and him with me and wanted him to meet my boys as they are a huge part of my life. He did agree but the comments here and there gave me the feeling that he does not really want to be responsible for any children or has the patience for them. His divorce also became final in the 6th month of our relationship which really only made him a single man for a year. Because of the distance I felt from him and the uncertainty of him wanting to meet my kids I broke it off. He agreed and admitted he is not ready. My dilemma...... we work together and we are both very mature about this professionally...see each other the odd time...communicate professionally with no issues but I cannot stop thinking about him and wanting him to be ready and this to go further. I try really hard to get over him and then he will send me a text or a short email here and there. It gets me to warm up, and I always respond and inside get a little giddy however he ALWAYS seems to just drop it. Not respond to my last email which clearly demands a response and just drop off the planet only to return when he seems to think of me again.So finally, yes finally my question to you all.... Do I tell him to not contact me at all as he seems to be dragging me through the mud with the odd clear patches of fresh water?? or just patiently wait...ignore the non-responses as he is clearly just refinding himself and discovering what it is he wants and needs?? Or if I decide to wait it out for awhile...how long is too long to wait?? or should one not ever wait as relationships are all about timing?
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female
reader, Meandmyprobs +, writes (10 February 2009):
Meandmyprobs is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks Bitterblue for the response! You pretty much hit it on the nose and gave me some good advice. I guess the hardest part is to not respond to him because it excites me but then as I had mentioned, ends up to be a let down when he doesn't communicate with me for days. Anyways, he makes me nervous, my heart aches when he comes near but I know I have to be professional about this one. So thanks for your advice. I will try to keep my distance and minimize my responses as hard as that is. IF that still doesn't work I think I will just tell him that I grew some feelings for him and that I would hope that he not contact me at this point so that I can move on. As long as we are in this situation, it is for the best.Cheers!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 February 2009): You don't mind his messages. You mind that in his messages he doesn't ask to return you. Thus requesting not to be contacted will not make you feel much better because it won't bring him nearer. If you decide to cut communication though take care that you choose the best way to do this so as not to put a strain on your professional relationship that fortunately doesn't seem to be affected by your personal matters at this point. Of course you can politely thank him for his interest and tell him his messages have held your attention but ask that he understands how you feel about the informal contacts, etc. If this can leave you feeling more awkward however, the easiest way to carry on is to take the odd message from time to time and reply on a neutral, unaffected tone that can in turn convey the same message to him, that you intend to move on and prefer to keep him at distance, if that is what you wish. Otherwise the only problem is when you don't know how to put out a fire you can risk to intensify it. You don't want the smoulder that is now to turn into a blaze and affect your job which is probably your biggest concern at the moment. So if you are unsure about the no contact rule or how to talk about it, then it's probably better to leave things as they are. He might understand your point in no time if you simply do not encourage him by prompt gushy responses. If you wish to have a relaxing ambient at the place of work, the simplest solutions in these cases are the ones I opt for.
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