A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I recently got back from travelling overseas for a year, and have caught up with my ex boyfrend who I was with for 2 years. We have been broken up for a year and a half. I have thought about him every day since I have been gone, he was the love of my life. We broke up because he couldnt communicate with me to sort out the problems we were having and refused to come to counselling to sort them out. We drifted apart and broke up, but were emailing each other every month since I had been away. We had lunch yesterday, and he told me about how he spent time alone, long ago, and realised that everything I had said about why we werent working was true. He told me about how he had been reading books on enlightenment and he seemed to be in a really good place. He explained his frame of mind at the time and how he has overcome those issues. He said he is going overseas at the end of the year for awhile (he doesnt know how long yet). I still love him, and can feel chemistry between us, but Im not sure if he sees a future with us. He is good friends of my brother, and I have known him for a long time. Im not sure if he wants to hang out with me to move past our past, and feel closure in us both being friends, or if he still has feelings for me. Either way he is leaving at the end of the year, and Im so sad he is going. I want a future with him, but I dont see how that can be when he is leaving soon. Do i tell him I still love him, and will wait until he gets back, and see what he says? Or do I play the friend card accept that things are how they are and try and move on? All I want is for him to tell me he still loves me too and that he sees a future with me. But I feel like its too late. What should I do?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 September 2014): You walked away from the relationship when you went overseas. And perhaps you had good reason to which is why you ended the relationship and took off. So why are you regressing? You need to understand that when you end things with as much certainty as you did, it's very hard to go back and reverse the gap that's been set between you two. Put yourself in his shoes. If he had been the one to end things and then leave the country for a year, how would you feel? Would you be keen on trying to rekindle a romance with him upon his return? My ex boyfriend did something similar to me. We were not getting along so he picked up and left one day and moved very far away. I tried to stay in touch with him for the first few months, hoping he would come around, but it was clear he was gone and not coming back, not anytime soon. So I moved on. Then a year later he came back. Suddenly all the feelings he had for me resurfaced and he begged to get back with me. He said the same thing, that he thought of me everyday. But it was too late. The damage was done. All I kept thinking was, where was he for an entire year? Where was he when I missed him so much and cried myself to sleep at night? Why didn't he put any value on me and our relationship to try to work things out then? There was a time that I would've been more than willing to work through it. But he let way too much time go by. When you walk away from a relationship you need to be certain that it is what you want. Because more often than not, there is no going back. My advice is if you love him, keep loving him, keep being his friend and just let him go and if he does come back to you he is yours and always was.
A
female
reader, llifton  +, writes (15 September 2014):
 I feel like he's still interested and possibly wants to rekindle, and that's why he keeps bringing up the past. He's not over it. If I were you, I'd confess my feelings and go from there. Worst case, he rejects them and you learn to become friends. Best case, he feels it back. I think you love him too much to just let this one walk away without even giving it a chance or finding out. And I do think he feels it back in return.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 September 2014): My advice is for you to tell him or her how you really feel. But dont expect anything in return. That is for you to have your own peace of mind that at least you were able to tell what you have to tell.There are so many reason why things didnt work out. You cant just allow yourself to ignore those reasons. Whatever it may be. I say just be friends with him becoz maybe its not really meant to be.Why? Becoz he has to go. Ldr will just make things complicated. It didnt work out the first time so what make you think it will the second time?Also email is so cold. Keeping in touch with someone thru email is like the most unacceptable type of communication for people who wants to work things out.It should be a phone call. If he phone you then i could say, your on the same page. He still wants you. But email...Its cold as ice. Its use for business purposes. Or for people less important.It is exactly what it is. It' s frustrating but thats life. My suggestion is for u to move on and keep things friendly. But not too friendly. Until such time your ready...
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 September 2014): the fact that you both kept in touch through email says you both still care. sometimes people need to break up and find yourself and grow. then come back together again better people with new outlook on life. If you felt chemistry in your gut when you hung out with him, theres a good chance he may have felt it too. I would hang out with him again, dinner or lunch, if it feels right tell him. then you wouldn't be wondering the rest of your life what would have been, you would have an answer and know now to either move on or rekindle.
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