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female
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*ikey
writes: Hello there,I am a new user, so this feels a little weird! But here goes...I'm a 33-year old female and entered into a new relationship in May after a 2-year "gap of singlehood". Things were wonderful to begin with and I genuinely thought I'd met my soulmate (we have lots of mutual interests and a similar outlook on life)...until I repeatedly started talking about moving in together! No sooner had I mentioned living together, and things went downhill rapidly - my boyfriend became more distanced, started concentrating on his own hobbies and stopped phoning me. Ultimately, it culminated in him ending the relationship after only 5 months.I am now kicking myself for being so impatient and impulsive, and wish I'd taken things one step at a time and "gone with the flow". I also feel that the 2-year gap has made me a little rusty on the relationship front, and that I wasn't really in control of my emotions and feelings. I let my heart rule my head a little too much.The crux of my problem is that we're still meeting up as friends on a weekly basis to go on walks / bike rides / to the movies, and I "sense" he still has a soft spot for me and might be regretting breaking up. He's being incredibly friendly and warm, and we're getting on really well and having a good laugh.Part of me wants to discuss matters with him and tell him I went a little overboard on the "moving in" issue and that I should have taken one step at a time. I also want to tell him I still love him. However, I'm scared if I do this that I'll end up losing him as a friend, or that I find that he no longer feels the same way about me.What should I do? Should I be honest with him, or should we just keep meeting up as friends?Any help would be appreciated - many thanks!
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female
reader, Sharoney +, writes (24 November 2005):
First things first...you shouldn't keep kicking yourself for the past, its so easy to get carried away with the romance, most of us women are guilty of that!
If this guy is still meeting up with you weekly then he obviously does want to spend time with you still. Two years is a long time, he may have matured a bit and started to want more than casual relationships. Moving in together seems to be a much bigger thing for men than women, women are naturaly homemakers whereas this can make some men feel tied down.
However, don't make the same mistake as the past.
I wouldnt make a move on him yet, he sounds like he scares easily and he may back off again. You risk frightening him off forever. keep meeting up with him as friends for now, spending time together will bring you closer and may remind him of how good together you were.
The thing with guys like this who scare easily is that to make him feel secure he needs to feel like he's in control of where his life is; wait for him to make a move on you. But theres loads you can do to help him along! Did you have any special places that you used to go together? perhaps revist them with him. Have fun together, make him laugh. Put youselves in romantic situations, sunset walks and cosy nights in watching a video. Give him every opportunity to make a move on you; be patient and if it's also on his mind he will in time.
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