A
male
age
51-59,
*otownPhilly
writes:Hi all. I have a question for everyone. I'm a 36 year old male who is trying to accept the end of a 2 year relationship. At first I tried to hold on to this relationship and did a bit of begging and pleading for her not to go. Then we tried speaking every so often and now for the past week we've been having no contact after the last conversation we had was terribly awkward (long pauses, my trying to keep the conversation going and keep her on the phone, etc.)My question is this. I finally need to accept this and let go. How important is it that I tell her that I accept this? Both in terms of my healing and having the breakup be as amicable as possible? I want to accept this breakup so I can begin healing and want to figure out the best way to do that. I thought of emailing her and saying that something along the lines of knowing that the last conversation was awkward, but that its been tough, but that now I know its for the best. But then again I also wonder if I should just keep "No Contact" and try to accept it for myself and just move on.Any thoughts would be greatly appreciated. Thanks.
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male
reader, MotownPhilly +, writes (10 December 2008):
MotownPhilly is verified as being by the original poster of the questionTisha-1, wow, thank you. Yes, that does sound like a plan. I need to do something like that and I guess there is no point in trying to call to explain or apologize for the awkwardness and simply wish her well and tell her I won't be contacting her again. Its really very hard though.
A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (9 December 2008):
 It sounds like you need to have that famous thing, closure. It does sound like for her, this is truly over. I woud say 'no contact' sounds like the right thing for you, but I'm getting a feeling that you would like to leave one last, good impression before you close the book on this.
My recommendation would be not to send her that short an email just yet. Write a letter to her, telling her the goods and the bads of the relationship, the heartbreak of the split, how you saw your future together and how you'll face your future now. Write this all in a word document or whatever word processing software program you use.
Write it all own, just let it flow out of you, let all the hurt and the pain stand there on the page. Then 'save' the document, give it a name like "Goodbye", and then go to bed or to dinner or whatever you do at this time.
Tomorrow, open "Goodbye" and edit it. You'll have thought of some things you forgot to say, and want to delete other things. Add a page or two on what your plans are for the holidays, and the first few months of 2009. Then save the changes and go on about your day.
Tomorrow night, reopen that document, read it over again. Delete or rewrite any sentences that have the word "always" or "never" in them. Delete or rewrite the sentences that start with "you made me feel..." or similarly. Replace those with sentences that start "I feel...." or something like that. Save your changes again.
The day after, open it up again, and read it again. You'll have found things you want to say better. Add some quotes that you've found that speak to you. Put them in the pertinent paragraphs.
Do this for a week or two. Return any presents you have bought her. Put that money back in the bank, or spend 1/2 of it on yourself; a new cologne and a great haircut. Pack up the photos of you and her in a beautiful box; put anything of hers in a cardboard box and store it in the basement or garage or attic.
Make some plans with your friends for New Years, if you haven't already. Spend some time cleaning out your closet in the week between Christmas and New Years. Take anything you don't need to Goodwill and get that receipt for tax purposes next year. Buy some new sheets for the bed in the sales.
Open up that document after New Years. Read it again. Then close it for another month or so.
Come back here and share parts of the latest version of the document if you want to, or just post how you're feeling. Then before Valentines day, print out a final copy, if you still feel the need, and put it in an envelope and mail it to her. By this point, it wll be as perfect a goodbye letter as there can be. And you won't regret sending it, and you won't regret the sentiments that you express in there.
Sound like a plan?
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A
male
reader, MotownPhilly +, writes (8 December 2008):
MotownPhilly is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWow, thanks everyone for all the quick responses! This so helpful.
One thing I wanted to clarify is that while we haven't spoken since the day before Thanksgiving and have been having "no contact", I never said anything about this to her and I just stopped calling her and decided I wouldn't call her or email again. She hasn't called me, but it was never "official".
Because the last communication was so awkward (the call the day before Thanksgiving), I feel like there was no "closure". That was why I thought maybe I should just send her an email and say something like "I know that last call was awkward, but this is a tough transition, but I know its for the best. Take Care" or something simple like that, with NO phone call and no angry or nasty messages.
But again, maybe I should just continue not to call and try to move on on my own like you all are saying.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 December 2008): Dont contact her, her loss. Maybe you can be friends one day but right now is not the time, especially if you are really upset. Delete her telephone number and do not contact her. No drunk dialling or emailing. I split up with an ex you think youre ok to be the best of friends, until one of you starts dating again, then the friendship ends and it just gets nasty!... Let her go, keep your dignity - no begging. Good luck - keep busy x
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A
male
reader, Neeraj060  +, writes (8 December 2008):
 Time is a great healer, you will get over her in time but still you have to make a consious effort from your end to let her go.
If you think of contacting her in any manner then it would be next to impossible to forget her because you would be still clinging to that very hope may ...may be someday she will change her mind and come back..but let me remind you friend, you tried everything from your end and if she does not wanna be a part of your life she is at a loss.
Get a grip and move on in life .....I know it's not going to be easy but noting is impossible.
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