A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I need some serious honest advice, i'm having to make the biggest decision and I'm stuck. My whole life plan has been ruined by something major and I didn't prepare myself for the outcome of changing plans.I had an accident over summer which meant I had to have surgery, unfortunately because of it I ended up being very ill after and i've been told it will be a long time (6 months minimum) till i'm fully healed. That's not to say i'm incapable of doing anything now and can't finish university, it's just become a bit difficult. And since i'm in my final year, i'm angry because I never wanted to be a step behind, I'd always known i'd go to university and straight into travelling and my career. But now, because of this I've had to step back an entire year and re-evaluate my life choice.I've been told that I can carry on and try finish final year, but that my injury and health in unpredictable that my parents and the university worry that something could happen along the way, or another problem could happen, meaning I might have to leave. They feel because i'm still having problems and am already behind because of this, that I'll be playing catch up all year and only half heartedly able to do my work which is all practical based. That this means I might not achieve the 1st that I had expected and wanted and instead, i'll come out with an average grade and having not enjoyed university properly.They instead said I should take the year off, gain a lot of work experience and travel if I can. Then come back next year and start second year again when I am fully healed and better and then I can give the year my full effort and that the work experience might even have helped me with my course. I'm just really confused what to do, it's stressing me out so much that I'm at a loss and all I hear is 'it's your choice', but that's too much pressure to decide alone! I need advice on what you think I should do?I understand where they're coming from, but my main reason for not wanting to redo the year is because I didn't want to graduate at 22 and I wanted to graduate with my best friends. And now I'll be graduating at 22, nearly 23! And I'll just be thinking when they graduate and when they're in their careers that it could have been me, but instead I'll be a year behind and going back to university and it's disheartening.Please any advice on what to do would help!!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 October 2013): As you're from the UK and would be on the old fee system, by taking a year out you'd have to pay the 9k tuition fees when you return.
I can't give you any advice, but i'd thought i'd let you know how the student finance system would work as it happened to me.
A
female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (18 October 2013):
 Friends are wonderful and special but they should not determine your educational life. You can make new best friends, you know, in addition to the old ones, and you could graduate with a whole new slew of best friends. So "graduating with friends" is not the best choice for your longterm future. It may sting a little, but hell, things could have been worse, no? You may not have been able to finish your education at all. And that would sting FAR FAR worse than not graduating with your friends.
A friend of mine had to wait a year to graduate, he's still close with his original class and had a blast at graduation with my class, and had friends there too.
As for graduating at 22 vs 23, well, again, at least you are graduating at all. In 10 years time, this will not matter.
If you are already behind, are on shaky health and will struggle to achieve what you can, then you should take the year off.
Take a look at what your choice now will mean in 5, 10 and 25 years time. That will make it simple, I think.
Sorry you experienced health problems, the good news is that you've been told you will fully heal.
So, in 10 years time, how will it affect your life that you graduated with friends and an "average" rating?
In 10 years time, how will it affect your life that you graduated with new friends and a "first"?
I know which way I'd go in your shoes.
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A
female
reader, Aunty Babbit +, writes (18 October 2013):
 So sorry to read about your accident and your dilemma.
You don't say what injuries you sustained.
The reason I ask is this.
If your injuries are physical then you might have trouble travelling and you say that your health is unpredictable, if so, then is it wise to travel to countries that may not be equipped to handle any health concerns that could arise? You may also have trouble getting travel insurance.
You say a suggestion has been made to perhaps consider getting work experience during a year out. How will your injuries affect you being able to work and hold down a position? Is this something you feel able to do, can your university help get you placed? If so this might be a good option and be great on a CV :)
If you are under so much pressure that you're going to be, as you say, playing catch up all year on your studies and then even if you do pass your exams could be denied the first you were on target for BUT could postpone the last year of the course for a year then do it and achieve a first, then I feel you should aim to get the best grade you can and if that means postponing then do it.
What you do with that year is up to you and what you feel capable of doing but I think you should spend your time recovering, keeping yourself as healthy and fit as you can, working through the emotional trauma of the accident and keeping up to date on your course so that you are one step ahead of the game and on good form for next year.
I know it's crappy when life kicks you in the teeth like this, but honestly, at your age, a year is not as long as it might seem and will pass quicker than you think. You also have the benefit of choice.
You can choose to delay your degree by a year, it's not like you have to use your place on the course or lose it forever.
If you were my son I would be inclined to say that it's more important to get the best grade possible in your degree than get a lesser grade just so that you can wear your mortar board with your mates.
Competition for jobs has never been more vicious than it is now so every applicant must do their best to have the edge on their competitors. Give yourself that edge and delay your exam for a year.
You still have your whole life ahead of you to travel and see friends and the world.
Try not focus on losing a year but on the life that you still have thanks to skilled doctors, surgeons and nurses.
This is only my opinion.
I wish you a speedy recovery and I wish you good luck in all your future endeavours.
I hope this helps AB x
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A
female
reader, sugarplum786  +, writes (18 October 2013):
 Honey, if you can cope I would recommend completing the studies. Stats has shown that people that take a break rarely ever go on to complete their education.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 October 2013): I graduated at 25 so there is no shame in being what you refer to as a step behind. We all get there in our own time, the key thing is we get there not how quickly. Your teachers and parents want what's best for you and to make sure you are at your best for the best possible outcome. Personally i would take their advice about the year off . I would also see this as a wonderful opportunity to re-group, experience more varity and make more friends. You'll also have friends who can advise you on workloads as they will have been there first, heck, that can sure help you reach your desired 1st. And who is to say they will start their careers ASAP. They could end up on the dole once the graduate so getting some experience in your gap time sounds ideal. You also have time to up your reading a head of the game.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 October 2013): If it were me or if you were my daughter - I'd urge you to take the year offYour health must be your priority first and foremost and additional stress may not only worsen your illness/condition it may also cause problems of its own. You certainly wouldn't enjoy your final year as much if it's a constant struggle - Uni should be fun.Your studies are your second priority but you will achieve so much better if take the year out.You will also have some great opportunities to gain work experience and training through either voluntary or paid work and this will not only help you with your degree but also help when you get out into the job market and may even influence your career path.Ultimately it is you choice but if your only reason for wanting to go back is to be able to graduate and enter the job market at the same time as your friends it seems like a no-brainer.Take care
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (18 October 2013):
 Life happens. And sometimes, when it does, it can be frustrating, disheartening, life threatening, etc etc all the negative stuff life can be at times.
It is your choice, struggle and maybe risk your health to maybe graduate with your best friends, it doesn't seem like that outcome is guaranteed, whoopee, how much difference do you think that is going to make when you are 80 years old and looking back, that you didn't graduate with your friends, a BIG difference, or not much difference at all.
or
concentrate on your health, accept its going to take six months to recover, accept that sometimes we can't do things exactly as and when we want, that sometimes we need to adjust our plans.
Your parents and the university have all given you some very good advice, your parents and the university have your best interest at heart, I don't understand why you are not listening to them.
If that is not honest enough for you let me know, and I'll be less diplomatic in my answer next time.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (18 October 2013):
 What's a year? You need to be able to give 100% to your studies so waiting a year to regain your health makes sense to me. Sure you want to graduate with your friends but your health is more important. Trying to finish your final year in college is always stressful but doing in ill health would be awful. Take the year, get better, then go for it Girlfriend. I'm absolutely positive you won't regret it.
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