A
male
age
30-35,
*lair42
writes:Well, I'm here again. To be honest i never though using dearcupid.com would actually help, but seeing what other people have to go through helps me coupe with some of my own problems in a strange way. I'm writing today about some friends of mine that I've known for a couple years. Their are four of us, and unfortunately I'm the baby of the group. I know how guys get when there hanging out. They wanna wresting, fight, and pick on each other. But being the smallest and youngest one of the group i tend to be the one they gang on. anyway, point being that i get picked on a lot...and i don't mind cause i pick on them to but i just don't think its fair that I'm the one who's singled out to be the weakest and smallest. Not only that some of the things they say can almost put me into a comma of depression. I thought these guys were my friends, but if they didn't like me why would they want me around so much? and why out of all the people do i get singled out? I know what people will say. "there not your true friends." "friends don't treat each other like that." Im starting to realize what true jerks these guys can be. But i have no other friends and i have known them for so long its almost like their family. I don't know what to do. Stop chilling with them? or try to make a stand for myself? and if so how. They are much stronger and cockier than me and if i made a stand for myself they would prolly put me in my place. I don't deserve to have my confidence beat down and i don't deserve to have people treating me in such ways. Anyway i just wanna know if there's anything i can do or say to help my situation. Any advice would help...
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 July 2010): It sounds like they need a "target" or someone to bully so it makes THEM look stronger, so they pick on you. I'm sure they like you, otherwise they wouldn't include you in plans. But they must be insecure and think they have to prove their strength by picking on you. You have several options on how to handle this: if this happens when you go by their houses, plan an evening like going out to the movies or going somewhere so they are busy and won't pick on you; simply leave when they start wrestling- just say you have to go home or simply that you have to go; stop hanging out with them. Eventually they'll wonder what they did or simply find a new "target" to pick on until they end up distancing themselves from each other and the whole group falls apart.
I went through something like this, except with all girls and they usually target the skinniest one first, someone they know they can pick on because physically you don't match up to them. But these people are just insecure, jealous bullies who have to prove to themselves that they are strong. When you're making a successful living and they're flipping burgers, they'll be sorry. Success is the best revenge. Take care!
A
male
reader, Boombadaboom  +, writes (1 July 2010):
 definitely take a stand! Like you said: you shouldn't be treated that way, you don't deserve it. But it won't change easily or fast. You'll have to handle certain situations right and have a whole lot of patience to finally be seen differently. In my honest opinion, I think it's nearly impossible to ever change this to what you really want. It's better to start finding new friends. The reason you feel so familiar with them is because they're old friends and you've been through a lot together. But.. enough is enough. You probably want a whole set of other things in friends. Find new friends. If you keep hanging out with those guys for years to come, chances are YOU are the one being changed and become just like them or similar bad. Muscles and confidence is nothing to be scared of. In fact, if they use that to keep you in line, they're pathetic and probably have nothing else to offer. Making new friends might not be easy, depends on what kind of social person you are, but it definitely will happen. Maybe some friends who will like you for the side of you that you want to be liked for. In my good experience, I think you could easily make better friends. Those guys most probably keep you down and hold you from who you could be. They don't let you grow up and evolve. You're between 18-21, soon time to become a true man and sometimes you've got to cut the weeds out to grow what you want to grow into. Especially if they are older than you, that means that they don't grow up. "they wanna wrestle, fight, pick on each other"? Childish. Sorry to be so blunt but hey, that's what you're here for, huh? By the way, they probably like you and keep you around for BECAUSE of all this. Probably because you endure it better than lots of other guys and you let them do it. Find friends where you can fit in better. You deserve to feel perfectly fine, right? Just don't make the mistake and transfer all the annoying stuff to the next friends because for example 'you don't know anything better'. Just start from scratch and follow your heart and gut.
"the core of man's spirit comes from new experiences"
so try to be grow into a man you actually enjoy being and chuck away all the bad habits of before. I wish you luck and a good future.
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