A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I was involved with a man for a short time (just over a month) I had waited 17 years to really give my heart to another man. This man sparked everything inside of me and I fell head over hills in love with him. He (we) talked about moving in with each other and starting our lives. We lived about 80 miles apart so we talked on the phone and the internet each chance we could. Then one day it just ended. He no longer returned my calls or emails. Nothing...I was lost, hurt, confused and devasted. I vowed to never allow that to happen again. It wasnt long and I met another man and he asked me to marry him , I did just so I would never get hurt again.My husband knew before we got married how hurt I was because of this other man and my feelings for him. I fould out my husband was telling another woman he loved her and he had made a very bad mistake so I confronted him. He said he would never do it again and we worked through it. At night when he thinks I'm sleeping he gets out of bed and gets on the computer, He turns his phone on silent or does not answer it when I'm around, telling me its an 800 number or tellimarkitor. I do not trust him with my heart anylong.Then 6 months into our marriage the Man I love with all my heart called to say he was sorry and that he was scared and that he really loves me. I told him that I would never betray my vows to my husband. He just keeps calling mostly to just see how I'm doing (so he says) My heart is with this other man, always has been. My head is with the man I married and the promise I made that day I married him.My question isDo I stay with the man I married and dont trust?If I leave him do I run to the man I really want to be with and take the chance of being hurt again?Or do I get a divorce, tell the man I love to take a hike and just be by myself like before.
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female
reader, QuirkLady +, writes (17 June 2009):
 It was a terrible decision to get married to protect yourself from hurt. Nothing guarantees a hurt free life except maybe never encountering anyone else and even that isn't for sure. You still have time to set things right. If you don't trust your husband - and by his actions I wouldn't either - then it's either time for marriage counseling or time to get out. It depends on how much you love your husband and want your relationship to work. If he won't go to counseling, go by yourself.
If you do decide to leave your marriage, give yourself a chance to be single for a while. Date around, have some fun, go on a wild vacation, things like that. Take time to heal yourself. If you are still interested in your first love he needs to prove himself to you. That means talking to you openly and honestly, showing up when he says he will and following through on the things he says he will do.
Good luck.
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