A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:OK.... I have been with my boyfriend for a year and a half and we've had a fabulous relationship. Considering how much we've been through in this time, We both enjoy going out for meals and going to the cinema and generally always find things to do. So about 4 months ago he told me he was depressed, he had recently lost his job, was in £10,000 worth of debt, and he tried to break up with me. A few weeks before that I had noticed he was very sad and wasn't really up for going out or doing anything, and really didn't wanna talk to me about anything... anyway as soon as he had tried to break up with me he immediately regretted it and desperately wanted me back. The next night we decided to go on a break as he obviously needed space, despite how much this was hurting and upsetting me. A week later, without any real 'passion' or anything we got back together... just like we were before, although i felt like i was treading on egg shells, reading up on depression and social anxiety disorder (of which he suffers both) and tried to do anything i could to make him happier... He did eventually start to be happy, until the birthday I had organised for him, when only two of his friends turned up... i didn't get a thank you for the money/ effort i had put into it for him, just plain sorrow for himself. However, not long a go i met up with an old friend, who i used to have such a good time with, and he tried to kiss me. Although nothing happenned, I couldn't stop thinking about him, I didn't feel guilty for this. We hadn't spoken for four years but it was like he had never disappeared. Anyway this guy (I shall call him B) was very affectionate, we stayed up all night talking and he kept on saying how perfect I was and how beautiful I was, and the way he looked at me was so nice. Anyway, I decided to try and make it work with my boyfriend and took us out for two nice meals, both of which he left in a bad mood after arguing with me for no reason. I must also state that because of his unemployment for so long I have been helping him out financially which has been hard for me as I am a student...Anyway, after my fourth attempt of trying to do something special last night, I still ended up coming home in tears. He was very affectionate last night but I just don't know how to feel anymore. Should I leave him? Knowing that I may never find someone to love again who is a nice and funny guy? Or should I stay knowing that things will never be how they used to be? Knowing that I will never be with someone who feels as passionate about love as i do? Please help, I'm so confused...
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a break, debt, depressed, got back together, lost his job, money Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 November 2008): You are very welcome! I'm glad you found helpful! I can't tell you how blessed I feel to have found this website! To know the bad times and misery I have suffered throughout my life is helping other people has made me so grateful for my past! My boyfriend always tells me that it is my crazy wild past that makes me who I am today! And now that I have found a way to use all this information from my past experiences is a Godsend! I take pride in my answers and advice and am so glad it is helping others to see things more clearly! I love everyone on this site! I am also so very flattered when the Aunts I admire so very much comment or quote my answers! This is awsome! I'm Hooked!
Britt xoxox
A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 November 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThankyou both for your insights already, i really respect advice from people who don't know either of us as it really helps.. and thankyou to britt429 especially, as i didn't even think of these possibilities so it has openned my eyes, and thank you for sharing your story with me. :) x
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 November 2008): I totally agree with Moongoddess! I loved and stayed with my exhusband for 17 years. He suffered from bipolar disorder. Although, he was on medication, his mental illness progressed. My life was controlled by his moods and emotional rollercoaster, which of course, I rode with him all those years. I was in constant fear, always wondering whats going to happen today. The last five years of our crazy relationship, it became more and more violent. He would fly into these unprovoked violent rages which naturally I was the target of! I left fearing for my life.
Recently I took an online quiz and answered questions honestly, as if I was still with him. At the end of the quiz (I answered yes to 16 out of 18 questions) It said: "this may surprise you, but these questions describe a sociopath." A chill went through my body! I realized I was lucky to have gotten out alive!
Now, I'm not suggesting that this will happen in your situation, but It Could! Do you really want to chance it??
Relationships are hard enough without having to deal with mental illness. And with the moodswings you describe, it sounds like Bipolar Disorder to me!
On the other hand...I take meds for anxiety and panic attacks...brought on by years of abuse at the hands of my ex. It's the mood swings you describe that worry me.
When I was with my ex, I told myself that he has an illness. If he had cancer, or diabetes, or some other chronic sickness, I wouldn't leave him. But I'm telling you...mental problems are a whole different ballgame! It's difficult to say the least.
If your unhappy, move on before it gets harder to do so!
I feel sad for you. I've been there and know!
Good Luck
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