A
female
age
36-40,
*utumnshire
writes:Dear Agony Aunts...I have posted one question prior to this; a few years ago, after breaking up from an abusive partner. Well, I successfully found myself a lovely lad after that, and we have been together over a year now, which is the longest I've been with someone so far.It has been great. Well, mostly. I was attracted to him because he was non-threatening (very important after my abusive ex), pretty shy (like me), and just a genuinely nice guy, no strings attached. He has a lot of patience for me, and we have fun together doing normal day-to-day stuff.Yesterday, a thought came into my head, and I haven't been able to get it out. It has plagued me since then, and I'm somewhat distraught thinking about it. I really like this boy I'm with, like I said he's amazing, but... I feel like something's missing. Something big. And I feel it more and more. Since we got together I had this feeling, but thought it would pass. And it kinda did; I covered it up but... now it's emerging stronger than ever.I seem to find a lack of passion with this guy. I love him, of course, but... for some reason my thoughts have been straying to what it would be like to be with a guy just as equally lovely, but a bit more like me... See, I'm really silly, crazy, and I have a passion for adventure. The guy I'm with is not like this at all. He is more still and not so silly, and certainly would rather sit in his room on his computer his whole life than go out and have crazy adventures.I know he would follow me wherever I desired to go, but only because he would be wanting to make me happy. I keep thinking - how amazing would it be to be with someone who actually wanted to go to those places as well, and share fantastic experiences? Someone passionate, crazy, funny, strong...Ugh. So. I decided I have two choices:1) Stay with my guy. I know that if I do this, life will be very nice, content, I would never worry about him leaving or cheating on me... it would be a nice life. Nice, but quiet.2) Leave my guy. If this happens, I then open myself up to many opportunities - and the possibility of finding this amazing person I have dreamt up in my head who is lovely and peaceful as well, but also silly and craving for adventures like me.However, there is also the possibility that I never find this other person. I really am so, so picky - I'm amazed I found the guy I'm with, it's really hard to imagine finding someone with my crazy/funny/adventurous qualities as well. In which case, if I never find this person - then I have lost everything by leaving the lovely guy I'm with now.It really is tearing me up. Obviously no-one can give me a straight answer but I am just reaching out for any advice/suggestions/ideas/similar experiences that people are willing to share... I just feel so lost, this lovely boy has invested so much in me, and likewise for I in him, and I would hate to break his heart (and mine) for nothing.Argh! Damn my constant yearning to find something more!!!
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (27 November 2009): Dont just ask yourself these questions, have the courage to ask you partner and sus out how you can achieve what you both want with your current partner and adapt.
Never hold on to someone with the view of looking for someone better. Its not fair!
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