A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hello,This may get complicated so please bear with me. My girlfriend and I are currently in a long distance relationship and we have been for at least a year. She lives in the Philippines and I live in the US. We met more than a year ago, and started a relationship a few months after. And two months ago, we met in person for the first time in a Philippines and we had a wonderful time. Ever since I left there everything has been good but she keeps bringing up this issue and I'm not sure how to handle it. And the funny thing, this issue stems from conversations she and I had a year ago, before we ever started our relationship...A year ago, she and I talked about the people who brought us out of our own depressions and made us feel love and happiness again. For her, it was when she met her biological mother and her family for the first time. And for me, it was my cousin in the Philippines. I told my girlfriend then, that maybe five years ago, my cousin's hug and tears touched me and made feel happy again. I even told my girlfriend then that because of that hug, my cousin and are close, the best of friends... And that was our conversation year ago. At that time I had suspected that my girlfriend felt jealous of my cousin so I chose not to talk about her anymore unless she came up. Now for our current issue...After I left the Philippines two months ago, she started looking over our old conversations because she was missing me. She came across what I had said about my cousin and now it seems like my cousin is scary topic to bring up. My girlfriend is not shy to say that she hates her. She hates how my cousin means a lot to me. And she hates how I've been sending emails to my cousin every month for the past two years. She always feels like my cousin is more special to me than she is, even though I don't bring her up. But today I wouldnt have thought about my cousin if she hadn't brought her up. And now she's saying things like, "Why don't you make her your girlfriend, fiance, and wife?!" My cousin has a boyfriend and has been with him for almost 10 years now. I don't know what to do. We've only had 3 fights since I left there, and they're all about my cousin. I'm trying to understand my girlfriend's feelings, but I feel like she's being childish. I have done so much for her. I communicate with her everyday through chatting and phone calls. I send her gifts on special days. I took her to a beach resort island when i was there. And we're now even talking about our future together but it feels like all of these things are doing nothing to make her realize how much I love her. I doing my best to remind her how much I love her, but it feels like the only way she'll be satisfied is if I hurt my cousin emotionally. She won't admit it, but her tone during our fights suggest that. I was honest with her, telling her that i won't stop emailing my cousin every month because we've been doing it for so long and she'll be sad if I suddenly stop. I had to tell my girlfriend because I didn't want to do this behind her back. I want her to accept this. My girlfriend didn't take that well at all...What do I do? Do I really have to turn my back on my cousin to make my girlfriend happy?
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cousin, fiance, has a boyfriend, jealous, long distance, shy Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (9 January 2015):
 I think your girlfriend sounds like an immature teenager and that you two are facing a cultural difference that will cause major problems for your relationship. That's coming from the standpoint of someone who lives in the US and is not estranged from family.
How is it that her mother and family were separated from her in the first place?
Are you prepared to go through life with this type of control and scrutiny? I wouldn't be, not without tackling the cultural differences that may set you both up for disappointment and unhappiness.
A
female
reader, Lori_rose07  +, writes (5 January 2015):
Firstly, you might want to list the pros and cons of turning your back on your cousin and reflect on how close you are with your girlfriend and your cousin (maybe on a scale of 1-10, 10 being 'love and cherish'). I don't want to be rude but the ugly truth is that your girlfriend is jealous and I agree with you by saying that she is being 'childish'. It's also pretty clear that your girlfriend hates your cousin's guts as you said that she might be 'satisfied if I (you) hurt your cousin emotionally).I don't think you should turn your back on your cousin because she is caught in the unfortunate cross-fire of your girlfriend's jealously/hatred and even though I understand that you love her, family and close relatives is something that you should never ever give up unless your family has done something bad to you that is beyond forgivable. I think that your girlfriend needs to understand that there are 7 billion people in the world and that you won't like all of them and your cousin happens to be one of them. If your girlfriend doesn't like the fact that you and your cousin talk every month, ignore her remarks and carry on. She needs to trust and learn to accept that family is also important to you as well as your relationship with your girlfriend and that it would be awfully upsetting for your if you stop talking to your cousin. You can always ask for advice from someone with more perspective in your family but you might have to do it in private. How you go about this is up to you..... I hope everything goes well and I hope this helped:)
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