A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I like a man who is 26 years older than me, he's married and has a son and daughter,who are similar ages to me.He flirts with me a lot,and says he is fascinated with me,that i am attractive.He also says that he wants me to have an affair with him,although nothing physical has happened yet.It's awkward because i do fancy him.He makes me laugh ,but i'm wondering, do i really fancy him,or do i see him as a father figure?.I'm not sure.I speak to his children too,so i know it would make it difficult to speak to them if i had an affair with their dad.He gets annoyed when i don't speak to him,and asks me what's wrong.But yet,he said if i just want us to be friends,then it can be that way.What can I do,and what does he really think of me ?.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 March 2009): if you continue to be friendly/ be friends with him you will be investing in him and that relationship. And that relationship will move to the next level. It seems as though you still want to be part of his life. Just be aware of the consequences, he and you will be emotionally attached and that it just as bad as having a sexual relationship. Cheating has so many different forms and methods.
I think you are fooling yourself into thinking that nothing more will transpire. I think that by thinking that it makes you believe that you are doing nothing wrong. Sooner or later something will give, and then you will have to face the consequences. Are you prepared for the inevitable. By then you will have no sympathy from anyone. Please remember fore armed is fore warned, and vice versa.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 March 2009): So if he says he will just be friends with me, do you think he would be lying? I definitely don't want to be used. I've been hurt enough times before. I think it's ok to have friends of different ages though. I did have a bit of a crush on him, and it might be partly my fault since I flirted back with him but I was just writing it, I didn't want anything physical to happen. I realize now that that was a mistake though, to write things. I didn't think he would take it seriously. And I think the only reason I developed a crush on him is because of the problems I've had.There is nothing wrong with sleeping with, or having a relationship with a man old enough to be your father, but obviously that should be if they are single.Well, I knew it was just about sex when he said he wouldn't want to marry me, but would like me to see him. That's another thing he said, by the way. He said that after I asked him if he was being serious with what he was saying.I think I'm best just forgetting everything that happened. Whether I will stay friendly with him or not, I don't know. I will stop talking to him if I tell him I just want to be friendly and he still carries on talking in the same way though.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 March 2009): you will only end up as his booty call, nothing more, nothing less. he only wants you flat on your back ......you know the rest.
you are getting emotionally attached to him. you say you are a good person, so here goes:
1. try to stay away from him, do you have to talk to him. it seems as though you enjoy his company too much. please do not make excuses for this relationship with him.
2. you are already emotionally cheating with him. he is also playing with your emotions, he is like a paedo (grooming you) before sexing you. only you can stop this.
3. he is old enough to be your father, would you have sex with your father - hell no, so why do you want to do it with this older, paedo man.
4. for goodness sake, he is married, what about his faithful wife. and his kids who are almost your age.
5. you will get caught, how do you face your family, and his family therafter.
6. after he finishes with you, he will continue with someone else. after all its just about sex with him. remember if he does it with you, he will do it to you.
7. have some self respect for you and his wife. think about how you would feel if you were the cheated partner.
8. DO NOT BECOME THE OTHER WOMAN, you will end up like the 95% out there, bitter, twisted, no morals, just plain old USED, USED USED. AND NO SELF RESPECT AND NO INTEGRITY. The legacy you will leave is: i am only good enough to be f&&ked up, lieing on my back, giving a dirty old man a few shameful minutes with you. Tell him to go to a prostitute. That is what he is making you into. the only difference is that he will not pay you for the deed. don't go down this road.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 March 2009): he also asked why i talk to him so much,and asked if i was lonely.i said i was lonely,which i am,but i havent gone into detail about it yet.It makes me happy hearing from him.He can be rude at times,which isnt surprising,and that was concerning,but he has a good sense of humour too.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 March 2009): I feel abit hurt really,which is why i told him i was confused.I didnt really want to stop talking to him altogether,but i think now that he has flirted and with everything he has said so far,it could be difficult to start having just friendly conversations.He asked me if i wanted him to back off,and as i said,he said he will just be friends with me if thats what i want.Kind of mixed signals really.I might be partly to blame too.What do you think i should do,should i try and cut contact altgether ?.Or do you think i should discuss the things i have mentioned here,such as the problems i've had,e.t.c ?.He said he thought i was sending him mixed signals,which i was i suppose,as i like him,but i dont want it to go any further.With me aswell though,i cant figure out if i really like him,or if it's an ego boost for me ?.To the anonymous poster ( with the texting husband ),i'm sorry for what you went through too.I dont want to upset his family,they seem lovely from what i know,it's just hard because i've started liking him.Thanks for saying you feel sorry for my problems too.I just want to do the right thing.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 March 2009): I was wary of him being interested in me since i am around the age of his children.However,would the same be said if he didnt have children around my age,or at all,but was still interested ?.I'm not really sure why he gets annoyed when i dont answer him either.Sometimes i havent as i havent known what to say.I have told him i am confused,for various reasons,and he wants me to tell him why and what i want to do.It's hard for me to imagine,as i have never been married or had kids,but i know that if it was my own father being involved with someone my age,i would be devasted,even though me and my father havent always got along.I have been on the end that his children would be,with my parents getting divorced,so i know what that is like.I wouldn't blame the girl,though,if she was young and insecure,for being attracted to my husband,if i had one,as you cant help who you are attracted to.I think in some way though,the husband would be to blame,like this man i am talking about is,for encouraging the flirting,e.t.c,which by the way,he started off.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 March 2009): Me again (with the texting husband). I feel sorry for your unhappy experiences in life but PLEASE think of how many people's hearts you could break if found out. Mind you, if it wasn't you it might be someone else he was after to boost his ego!!!!!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 March 2009): Hi,i'm sorry i didnt mean to make anyone angry.Believe me,i'm not a bad person,i'm just confused because I am attracted to him. I have also had other problems in my life,which might explain my attraction to him.I'm actually a shy,insecure person,and i have been brought up well,although i have been overprotected at times,i'm well mannered,but i have been through my own parents divorce,and i havent really got on well with people my own age,i've been bullied by them,so they are a couple of reasons why i might be attracted to him.I've also suffered mental abuse from my own father.No,i dont know his wife to talk to.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 March 2009): I was on the receiving end. My husband had a 'text affair' with a colleague 20 years younger although, thank god, one of her texts said she felt guilty leading him on as nothing had happened YET the cheeky b**ch. It has devastated our marriage although we are still together and very in love. I can't believe you are taking this so flippantly and daring to ask people to decide whether or not you should destroy someone else's marriage. Of course, you don't expect to get found out do you? Nor did my husband and HER. Her husband has never found out as far as I know but I would like nothing better than for her to suffer like we have. Oh no, I know they were BOTH to blame but she's had no consequences of her actions at all. I am very angry that you are even asking this question. You say you talk to her children. Do you know his wife to talk to?!!!!!!!
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