A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hello people, we broke up 2 weeks ago and I cleared the message to her that it's over now... no hopes please...! We cared A LOT and can't think of letting go completely. Also she became very panicky about losing me so we we decided to remain friends after that. She used to be very affectionate and possessive about me and I felt that love even after the breakup. She still cares and is concerned about me over small things, all the time she thinks about me and texts me with kisses in them... she is hanging around me out of the habit and fear of losing me and I guess she is not able to cope with the breakup but still pretends that she is already over me and is ok! We are going back and forth and quite struggling with the matter....I talked to her about it and said we can't be genuine friends as it's nearly impossible to step back but she is not ready to leave me completely, we mean a lot to each other. I am depressed about the matter and am not able to concentrate in my work, even if we won't talk for one week, the next day we start talking again and I find myself involved in that mess again and feel worse! Should I be bothered about it? Obviously it can't be like it was before... then why does she have that soft corner for me? It seems she is ready to obey and respect my orders... like if I don't want to talk for some days she is ready and if I want a week's break she won't call me for a week, she knows I'm not comfortable but is still clinging on me calling herself just my friend. Do I need to cut all contact? She is such a dear loving sweetheart that it will be heart wrenching for me... please advise
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (18 April 2009): i posted this question guys...we have no common friends so we two are all alone ...i met her on face book
A
female
reader, Emilysanswers  +, writes (18 April 2009):
You can be her friend with out being best friends.
See her but only when you are with other people. Don't be so attentive and treat her like a mate, not like a girlfriend without the kissing. Start talking about other girls. Just comment if you see someone pretty, you don't have to be hurtful but get it into her head that you are going to move on at some point. Ignore some of her texts if you are busy.
At the end of it all, if you are no longer together though then you have to separate. Pulling the plaster off slowly is harder than a short sharp shock. She is clinging on but you aren't helping her.
Just tell her that she needs to get over you and go out with some of her other friends rather than always calling you first.
Good Luck!! xx
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 April 2009): Breaking up is always very hard especially when it is someone you love so deeply. However In my experience the only way to really deal with this effectively is to cut all contact.. Obviously explain this to her so that she knows your not just being cold but you are in fact doing this to get over her. After a while (anything from a couple of months to a year) you should feel strong and then you may feel as if you are over the idea of you and her as lovers and you could then possibly be friends.. The best thing to do is to try and do as much as possible to take your mind off her. Move all photos and things which remind you of her out of sight.. if she is still in your life you wont be able to get over her, its as simple as that. Also one big thing is not to worry about what she is "getting upto". This will drive you insane TRUST ME! Just let go.. easier said than done i know, but be strong and just know that these feelings are normal and wont last forever.Good luck
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