A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I was drugged and raped by someone I just met whilst unconscious when traveling alone last year. I can recall everything prior to falling unconscious, once during (somewhat blurry and brief), and can remember afterwards when I wake to find him next to me still. I haven't told anyone except one friend, and push it to the back of my mind most of the time, not really thinking about it unless I need to. I do cry and get upset when I think or need to talk about it but as I don't think about it and try to forget it happened, I get on with my life as usual most of the time. I had to fly out the next day as I was going to the next country so haven't returned since. I was scared, confused and upset when I awoke and ended up going to the hospital and police. Now I have the trial in a few months and I am wondering how I am going to cope being in that country again, being there in court and needing to talk about it all again and having him there, especially as I will be by myself. Is it possible that I have gotten over it and won't need therapy? I'm wondering if it is healthy for me to just keep distracting myself and forgetting it, as I don't want it to build up inside me and then to find it has affected me or I break down in the future. Can I just continue on my life as I am or is this something I need therapy to get over properly? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, ffogalilly  +, writes (6 November 2009):
I think you should get therapy, it will help you out greatly.The trial will be tough, and a therapist will be able to help you learn to handle that. You don't need to go though something like that alone, you need help!Don't distract yourself, face it head on, you come out stronger than you think.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 November 2009): Well, I am going to tell you something that I have told very few people, but I hope my telling it here will help you.
When I was 21, I was raped by someone that I knew and actually loved a lot, but it was rape, I was sodomized actually to be blunt.
At the time it was in the late 70's when rape and acquaintence rape was not talked about, there were no rape crisis centers or support for women back then who were victims of rape.
I did like you did, I did not talk about it, in fact when I told one female friend (or I thought she was a friend) she said poor, (my name) and nothing else, as if she didn't believe me or that I was over dramatizing things...so I just shut down and stuffed it down.
But I can tell you this cost me dearly. It affected me for at least five years and contaminated my relationships especially with men, boyfriends. It is hard to describe in words how I felt, I was so scared of relationships, I didn't trust men at all, I became a little uncharacteristically promiscous for a brief time and I let men use me and felt like garbage afterwards, it was a downward spiral. I wish I could have told someone about it, I wish that rape was better understood and talked about. I thougt it was my fault, that I did something to deserve it. I was a baby when it happened, you might not think so, but trust me 20, 21 is still a baby when you are looking at your fifth decade of life.
This court case is going to be traumatizing for you. It will knock you to your knees, but I hope you go through with it and I think it will actually help you to see yourself vindicated.
I pray that you will go get therapy right away before you go to this trial, you really need some support and a way to process your feelings about the rape. By stuffing it down and distracting yourself from it, you are esentially letting a piece of yourself die and shut off and it will cost you years of wasted life and happiness.
You don't deserve that, because if you do then your rapist has won, he had taken something from you that wasn't his to take.
Go see some one, talk about it, do not hide in shame and humiliation and self blame.
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