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female
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anonymous
writes: okay well in the begining of this year, theres this guy sean that i went out with a few times on and off. i broke up with him and said it was because i was going to camp but i ended up going out with another guy that i broke up with for the same reason. anyway apparently my original boyfriend was crushed. he asked out another girl attempting to make me jealous, and it didnt work. im not jealous at all but my friend had talked to him and he sounds like hes still interested. i really care about him but he doesnt go to my school. he moved to new jersey last year and i live in conneticuit! So he lives in a different state, i barley ever talk to him but I still really care for him. Hes supposibley moving back in a few years and I'm curious will I be thinking of this boy all through high school and college and maybe even after. When will it stop. I'm going into 8th grade this upcoming year. Is it possible that I love him. I've tried to stop thinking about him but I cant stop. I've even cried over him and dumb as it sounds. Please help me figure out when I'm going to stop thinking about him or if I ever will!
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female
reader, Bev Conolly  +, writes (25 July 2006):
 If you're in junior high school, all of this dating stuff is really new and seems very LARGE in your life right now. The reason that you can't 'stop thinking about him' is simple: it's a new experience for you and your brain is still processing what happened. But it goes away eventually.
The experience has made a big impression on you because this is (very likely) the first time that this has happened to you. Remember the first day you went to school? The first time you read all by yourself? The first time you were praised for an oral report you'd done well? You probably do, because those were new, and big, experiences. This is much the same thing.
The feelings will definitely go away over time, and I have to say that it's very doubtful that you'll think about the guy "all through high school". There's a possibility that you'll reflect on the experience now and then, but if you're thinking Will I Feel Like This Forever, then no.
Falling in love with someone isn't like picking up a rash. You don't get it just because you were in contact with another person, then discover it afterwards.
Love is a complex and calm emotion that develops over months and years, and transcends the first, fluttery, lustful feelings that characterise teen dating. Put it this way: if you're still feeling nervous butterflies around someone, then it's too soon to call what you have 'love'.
As soon as you have a new boyfriend, or a new project, or a new hobby, you'll immediately be distracted from worrying about your interstate boy, so that's what I recommend.
Get out and take diving lessons at the pool, or learn to knit, pick up rubbish along the roadside, learn to play music, start reading a new fiction series, or anything that you can to stay busy. Even better if you can do it with friends. Within just days, you'll be going to bed at night and thinking "Huh, I didn't think of him once all day!"
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