A
female
age
41-50,
*inzi72
writes:I feel totally nutts, Ok here goes sorry if this don’t make sense I’m confused, BIG STYLE.9 years ago I met a guy I worked with and fell for in a big way we slept together a few times but he was going through a divorce and well I was a young. We kept in touch in general, through work but then lost touch as I got married and had a kid. And I am still very married.Last year we got in touch by luck I suppose and talked every night for months (he lives aboard where we met) just as friends, we have the same sense of humour and he makes my face light up just talking to him.Anyway he rang me as he needed my help, so as a friend I travelled along way 5 hours to meet him as he had no money for fuel we sat talking and then he just kissed me out of the blue I kind of was expecting this to happen anyway. The next day I caught the train back home and he texted me everyday and we met a few times again after, he said things like, “When I saw you again it brought it all back to me” and “I know this will be difficult but somehow we can make it work” The message like that went on for monthsHe was in my area working for a few weeks so I went down to see him it was fab everytime I touch him my heart skips and he makes me feel great. I left after a few days very sad for both of us.Then no messages no emails just friendly stuff or sexual messages, he met a girl at the same place as we were a few days ago. He said he was using her but fell in love and couldn’t help it.All the places we talked about, he has been to with her.The thing is I cant stop thinking about him, in all the time I have known him (9yrs) I still think about him.Its affecting me in extreme ways, I look at his Facebook Daily just to see his face, My heart still aches when he talks to me as i friend. I asked him to delete me as it hurts to much and he said he couldnt ax i mean to much to him, yet he loves his other girl and they sound serious, they've only been together 8 months yet he has been away for 6 of them working. I’m still married to a great guy but I don’t know what love is anymore.I so want to stop thinking of him and need a slap around the face or something, please tell me I’m mad or is this Love I don’t know of.? HELP please I’m desperate.
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female
reader, bellaaddison  +, writes (28 April 2009):
I'm not going to lecture you about what you're doing to your husband because I am certain that you will get plenty from others. I will simply address your question- is this love? No. It's lust. It's infactuation. It's obsession. Obviously the two of you have quite a past and I am not trying to discount that. I also believe there is something genuine between the two of you, but it would be genuinely physical and little else. If there were something stronger then the two of you would be together. You've found your way back to eachother often enough that if it was something of substance, it would have materialized into more than just a physical relationship. I know that it can be difficult to forget about someone that makes your heart flutter and it's always so much easier to project our fantasies about "love" onto someone who is unavailable. They aren't able to disappoint us in the same way that our husbands or signifigant others do because they aren't part of our day to day lives. I understand that you are affected greatly but realize that you are doing it to yourself, therefore, you can UNDO it to yourself. I bet that if you put half of the energy and devotion into your marriage that you seem to put into this "love", you'd be surprised at what your husband could come to mean to you. You don't mention him enough for me to truly understand the dynamics of your marriage and if you are in the wrong one then find a way out and then look for someone who can love you the way you deserve to be loved. Holding on to someone who comes in and out of your life just long enough to confuse you is not what love is designed to be.
Hope this is helpful...
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