A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hello, I am 29. My ex-fiance is now 30. We got engaged a little over a year ago. Heres my situation. She is a massage therapist. About a month ago, she had a client (this is what she called him) that came in and she was doing some healing work for him. They were in her office for about 4 hours talking. From there a friendship started forming (I guess because thats what I knew then, and what I was told) and that he was now doing some healing work for her in trade. They started spending a LOT of time together outside of the office. Last weekend, she spent Friday evening with him, and I caught her with him again on Saturday evening, where she had lied to me and told me that she had not been. Sunday evening they went to a couple of movies and I went to her house and found out that again she lied to me. She had told me that she went alone, which is BS. I blewup and asked for my rings back. I got a message stating that she would give me my rings back, which she did this week. I at that time did not break up with her just told her that I needed a lot of space because what I was seeing wasn't professional and it was obvious to me that she was cheating. She claims that she is NOT dating him and that she had never cheated on me. This week she went out of town for several days and I saw her when she came to town, and again she lied to me about who he was, even though I have seen him numerous times. Instead of getting angry with her, I told her that I forgive her, and she started texting and calling me all through the day about how she was sorry she hurt me. Last night she came over and gave me a vase of roses she picked from her front yard and told me that she isn't sure whether she wants to get back with me or not. Obviously I'm not exactly sure whats up with her and this new guy, but it appears to me that she's seeing him. She told me that since her breakup she cannot be in her house because it reminds her so much of me. I love her very much, and of course this situation is devistating to me, but I am certain that she was with him BEFORE we broke up. Today she texted me for about an hour. Several people that I have talked to have told me that they believe she is putting me at the end of the string and seeing if she has found a better mate. I understand that she is human, and I am far from perfect, and I believe that she still has "some" feelings for me. It's obvious that she does NOT want to break complete contact with me in case she decides I'm a better man for the job. With that being said, I DO want her back, and I would forgive her, but I also know that I will NOT be the other person if she does decide. The fact is that she left me, and I decided to break it off. However I know that I would take her back, but only if she is with me alone. Here's the situation that I am questioning. A lot of people have told me to stop talking to her regardless, which is one plan, however I don't want to be at fault and lose the opportunity if she does decide to come back by not answering emails or calls or texts or whatever. Do I let her keep playing games with me, or should I break contact by being silent? Truthfully, she is an awesome person and a real sweetheart, but has problems with honesty and maybe infidelity. I do not honestly know what the circumstances of her relationship with the other guy is, she may or may not be dating/sleeping with him, I'm not there, but what I see indicates that she is, or will be because of her lying, either to protect me or to hide what is really going on. Her lying about it makes me believe that she is probably shopping. Looking at her view of it, we did argue and were in compatible on some issues, however we were together for 4 years prior, so I know there are some good things that we gave each other.
View related questions:
broke up, cheated on me, engaged, infidelity, my ex, text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 May 2009): you may still want her but sadly she wants him..healing what healing is it........sexual healing for him? this woman told you already she is not getting back with you. i know it hurts but please consider this, she is cheating on you and SHE HAS BEEN WITH HIM. Why torture yourself even more?
A
reader, anonymous, writes (31 May 2009): If there is not honesty and trust in a relationship, than what do you have?
It sounds to me as though you are not willing to give up on her yet.
But don't let her play with you as she is. Keep your self-respect. Your gut will tell you if she is actually cheating or not.
I wish you luck! I hopw things can be ironed out!
Britt
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (31 May 2009): Healing work eh...that brings to mind a certain Marvin Gaye song...But seriously.. I sort of know what you are talking about. I dated a stripper once upon a time. Who knows who REALLY is a client and who isn't a client? There is definite physical contact with other men so who knows? Eventually I found myself having to suspend my care one way or another. The unfortunate side effect (or perhaps fortunate?) was that that detachment eventually spread and enveloped the entire relationship, and I lost my care for her, period.Now I'm not saying yours is a stripper, so lower your bristles... I'm saying there are certain similarities because massage is a service based industry with lots of physical contact..So I understand a bit of your mindset, I think.Anyway, you have caught her lying on several occasions, isn't this correct? When she said she wasn't with this guy, she really was? Who knows what else she has lied about, dude? And all these texts and communications seem like...a prolonging of your pain. Sometimes ex couples get stuck in that emotional pattern, and its not healthy at all. Its up to you, but I would cut her off with the explanation that you just can't trust her anymore. Which is true, isn't it?
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (31 May 2009): followup...
She was married twice before, and she and I got together before her second marriage was divorced. When we got together, she told a lot of people that when they saw us together, "we" were friends, however, we were sleeping together, and she was hiding it from her family. Her ex husband was a jerk, and he was cheating on her. When I confronted her about this this past week, she told me that we got together after her seperation. I'm not 100% sure thats true, but the fact that she didn't tell her family about what was really going on, makes me believe that this is a repeat of what was going on then. Like I said, I know people make mistakes, and she was young when she chose these men, however, I am confused as to if she is truely playing a game with me, or if she is telling the honest truth, and he is simply helping her, and she didn't want me to get angry and do something to him. Lost...
...............................
|
