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male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes: I am not sure where this should be posted, and I am unsure of why I am posting at all but I am completely confused by my feelings. I am in my mid 30's and technically single. I have not been in a "relationship" in 5 years, but I also am not the kind of guy who just goes out looking to get laid. In fact prior to my recent dilemma I hadn't been with a woman in over a year. I am a good looking guy and do get hit on, but like I said, I just didn't want that. The last year I found myself falling for a married woman. We became friends and our personalities just respond really well to each other. She is funny and really makes me laugh. She is also extremely attractive. I tried to fight these feeling for over a year, but every time I saw her or spoke to her it got worse. She has children as well. I knew there were some issues in her marriage, but we rarely talked about it. So anyway, I found myself fighting it for over a year, then finally told her how I felt one night. She felt the same way about me and we landed up kissing and touching but I stopped before anything "bad" really happened. I thought I could move on, but I couldn't get her out of my head so I called her to talk. I really thought we would just do that and talk about how this couldn't go on and then I would be done. But when I saw her I couldn't help myself and we landed up having sex. Again, I tried to tell myself that now it is done, but I wanted desperately to see her. I fought it for a month then broke down. We met again and had sex again. The terrible part is that it is not about the sex, I love being around her and can't stop thinking about her. I have never felt this way about a woman. It just stinks that she is married because I really feel like I am in love with her. I might add that she is a good person and this behavior on her part is completely uncharacteristic of her - she has never been with anyone other than her husband in 10 years so this has been hard on her too (dealing with her feelings for me). Do I let her go even though I love her or do I try to get her to be with me?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 July 2009): It's me-- and yes I have talked with her about my feelings and she feels the same way, but she keeps telling me that I can't fall in love with her and that if I want to just be with her when we can then that is fine, but she told me that we can't talk about "love" because she can't do that to her children. In other words- she won't leave her marriage, but I still want to be with her whenever I can..I don't want anyone else and I guess if that means every once in a while I think I would take that over "never" because I am not sure that I could go without her and I don't mean the sex, I mean just being around her and knowing her. I would miss her as a person too much. I am not sure maybe I am just hoping that eventually I will mean too much to her and she will leave her marriage.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 July 2009): I really feel for you here. I'm not trying to say that cheating is good or anything, but your feelings for this woman are obviously very deep, and this is a very difficult situation for you.
Have you had a serious talk with her about this? Have you asked her where she see this heading? You say there are problems in her marriage. Is she unhappy? Does she want to leave her husband? Or has she no intentions of leaving him? Does she feel the same way about you as you feel for her?
I really think you need to find out from her what she intends to do. Unfortunately, you can't make her be with you. Only she can decide what she is going to do. But if there are children involved, then it may be that she is reluctant to disrupt the family. She may choose to stay with her husband.
If she stays with her husband, how will that affect things? Will you continue to see her? Or will it be too much for you to deal with?
If she left her husband, how would that make you feel? Would you feel bad about it at all? Or just happy that she is with you? How would it affect you?
I don't think anyone can tell you what to do here, especially as we don't know the full details of the situation. But I do think, as your feelings are obviously so deep, you should try and find out from her where things stand. And depending on her answer, I guess you will then have to decide what to do.
This is a tough situation for you. So talk to her, and then go with what you feel is right. Good luck, I hope things work out well for all involved. x
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