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female
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*ueenB75
writes: I am having some issues with my boyfriend. We've been together going on 4 1/2 years and starting from 2003 to now he's been in and out of jail, not really working, and just not doing anything with himself. He keeps promising me that things will get better, but when I tell him that I don't see any changes he's got the nerve to get mad and expects me to support him when he's never supported anything I've done and even worse he didn't show up to my college graduation and made up some lame excuse about how my mom didn't want him there(totally false). I am at a standstill. Where should I go from here? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (21 October 2005):
 Where should you go from here? As far away from the deadbeat as you can get, do it fast.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 October 2005): I honestly think you know what to do, dear. The man is a loser and you need to think about leaving this relationship. In all relationships, both people must be held accountable for their choices. Giving up your self-respect and values to hold onto someone who is dragging you down, is corroding your sense of self and I have to ask why, you are allowing it? He has big problems, girl and it's hurting you. His troubles do not merit your empathy so do not go into denial by using your tolerance as a healing balm for his problems. The only way he will ever change and be motivated to address his inner problems..is when you stop accepting his excuses and his false promises. He sounds like a self-centered, immature man and I know, that 'you' know, you deserve so much better. Do the right thing and make your life a happier one, without this man. I wish you the best hun...take care and be strong.
Hug,
Irish
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A
female
reader, sexseahot +, writes (20 October 2005):
 If you want to be with this man, you should just leave him and tell him that you guys can get back together when he starts acting right and doing what he's said he's going to do. There's no reason to be with someone if the same thing is said over and over again, but no change. Sometimes people just don't change.
Things usually don't get better in this situation if you aren't hard on them. Let him know that you mean what you mean and you aren't going to take supporting him for the rest of his life. He should be independent like yourself.
Who wants to be with someone that's been in and out of jail. Obviously there's something wrong with this guy and he JUST DON'T GET IT! Maybe someday he will or someday he won't, but you shouldn't wait around forever waiting for him to.
Just get away from him for just a lil' bit and then if nothing still changes, then don't let him back into your life. Who, that cares, would make an excuse why he couldn't be at your graduation? That's just not right. That's a big day for you and he should've at least been there for you showing how happy he was. You definitely don't need someone like this in your life. Try to just move on...
Good luck!
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