A
female
age
41-50,
*icola77
writes:I have been with my boyfriend for 3 years. We have been going through a bit of as rocky patch and I was unsure whether I wanted to continue the relationship. Went out last week and got far too drunk and woke up the next morning in bed with a male colleague. I was (ashamedly) so drunk I don't remember getting home nor what happened. The colleague has told me that nothing that bad actually happened and we didn't have sex. Not sure if I believe him though. All this has made me realise how much I love my boyfriend and that I want to sort things out. Do I keep my guilt to myself or do I confess all? It would break his heart - and he has always said If I were to cheat it would be over instantly. This was a one off and I know it was very wrong. Should I just put it down to experience and make sure it never happens again? Help I'm in bits at the moment.
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 March 2007): You should tell him and say how sorry you are IF you are sorry. Regardless of what he decides to do, he will apprecate you being honest with him. Also, it will make you feel less guilty when you get it off your chest to him.
I speak from experience as today, I found out that my fiancé has been cheating on me and blatantly lying about it. I found out through her phone and email. She always denied anything was going on and still denies it. Its over and I hate her so much because she cant do me the honour of telling me the truth.
A
male
reader, agony_uncle_r +, writes (18 March 2007):
if your genuine about having an honest,open, faithfull relationship is having a large secret the best start?
your not 100% sure of what happened so it cant be classed as cheating fully, but it does count as dishonest and unfaithfull. youve hopefully learnt your lesson but he still needs to know.
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A
female
reader, Nicola77 +, writes (16 March 2007):
Nicola77 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for all your help.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (16 March 2007): Don't tell him!!! It could mean the end of your relationship if it is already on the rocks. I know it sound awful, but telling the truth is not always the right thing to do for your relationship. There is no need to hurt him if you plan to stay with him and truly regret your actions. Channel all your energy into improving your relationship, do nice things for him and take time to try to make him happy. Try to forget what you've done and forgive yourself. You were desperate and not responsible for your actions. Make sure it never happens again. You may have inadvertantly done something positive, it's made you realise you love him and don't want anyone else.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (16 March 2007): You need to tell him. If you have done this once, you will do it again. He needs to know what kind of person you are. Lying is the worst thing anyone could do. At least have the decency to be honest to him.
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A
female
reader, birdynumnums  +, writes (16 March 2007):
 If you did tell him, you already know the consequences. You would break his heart and he would leave. If you told him, it would also be to absolve yourself of the guilt that you feel, you would be doing it at his expense and he would be the one feeling the pain. If you have any intention of trying to work things out, it would be best not to tell him (especially considering you don't know if anything actually happened). Live with the guilt (it's there for a reason, you did the wrong thing), deal with it, and forgive yourself. Everyone is human, everyone screws up. Don't make him pay for it. Take Care and Good Luck.
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A
male
reader, sad father  +, writes (16 March 2007):
You should tell, he may have something to tell you too.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 March 2007): I personally think you should keep it to yourself. Will this other bloke blab to anyone? Don't tell your bloke, nothing happened and if that was me and this bloke did blab then sorry, but i would deny it. It will only be his word against yours. You had too much to drink, a lesson for the future. Don't tell, just put it down to experience and something not to do in the future.
Take care
xx
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