A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My husband and I dated off and on for nearly 6 years before we got married last June. He is very outgoing, social and even flirtatious which is often fine with me as I too can be. He met a married woman about 2 months ago and has since been spending a lot of time with her by herself. We always "bump into her" or he invites her to meet up with us and sometimes her husband is there but rarely. We live in a town of about 10,000 people and it is a pretty tight nitched group. Everyone knows everyone. She is very much like him though in her outgoing wild side, but she tends to hang all over her male friends (married or not) and I've caught several suggestive/flirty text messages to my husband as well as a voicemail asking to "sneak off for a quiet dinner and drinks or just run into each other somewhere." I blew up when I heard that message and confronted her myself explaining that I thought it was inappropriate and I was not comfortable with her inviting my husband anywhere alone. She apologized and tried to explain how she's like this with all her guy friends. She even drag one out to the patio to confirm her story. She continues to flirt and call my husband daily, if not see him daily. I work full time, go to law school at night and commute over an hour each way every day. Needless to say I'm not home very often. I talked to my husband about it but he is accusing me of being jealous and insecure. I have been for awhile now, but something in my gut doesn't sit right about her. We have had screaming matches, “I'm leaving you” fights over it, though he tells me in the most convincing ways that he's not doing anything, not crossing the line and that I just need to trust him. I don't think he's up to anything, I do however think she has other intentions and that he's playing with fire. Last week he found out that I had been spying on him for months and the story was that she was so afraid I'd talk to her husband and he wouldn't believe her so he'd divorce her that she was never going to call again. Funny thing...she still is. He has had a few female married friends I wasn't crazy about at first who I like now, but there is something wrong about this one. It just feels sneaky and wrong. I'm desperately torn. I love my husband. He comes home every night and was very very upset that I thought he would cheat on me. (He did when we were dating) He gets so mad and is in tears when he talks about how much that hurts him cause he swears he will never hurt me like that again and he doesn't want to do that to our marriage and that I mean the world to him. He just likes to talk to a girl with no strings attached. He has not changed his voicemail password, his email or any other code. The only thing he did do was make it so I could no longer see the text messages. He did admit though in a fight the other day that he does like the attention he's getting because we've been fighting for months now over everything and that he just wants his wife back and it's the attention he's not getting at home. I am worried though that the lines with this woman are being blurred. I don't know what to do or how to approach this. I can't confront him about it anymore because he gets angry and accuses me of being jealous and I have already confronted her about it to no avail. Being around him all the time isn't possible, or really what I want to do. I'm just lost. I don’t want to nor can I spy on him anymore because it’s only making me see innocent things as major problems and it’s driving me crazy as well as just kind of wrong. What do I do? Do I just tolerate it or is there a way to get my husband back and lose this woman?
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 February 2008): I agree with the young lady Spice up your life with your husband I use to go through the same thang with my husband ji took his phone and erased all the Heifers number and i told him if they number show up again I'm going to their houses my self with Him and we are going to have some problems and I mean some problems now They don't call because they know I know where they live and where they work I' just that Bad and they know I'm not playing with him or them and that's a FACT!!!
A
female
reader, lillady55  +, writes (3 March 2007):
 I have been havin problems exactly like this for a few months. My bf was secretly textin a woman from his work and ringin her and when i found out (by havin a sneaky look at his messages on his mobile) i asked him what was goin on and he said "nothing" that they were just friends. When i realised he was still doin it, i rang her and asked her if there was something goin on between them. She said they were just friends. I asked her why there were texting each other so often and why he was hidin it from me (some of the texts were very flirty and had xx after them) she just kept sayin they were just friends so i decided to drop it. He deleted her no off his phone and i thought it was the end of it. After a while she changed her sim card so her number was different and they started again (i found this out as i looked on the mobile account on the pc and saw numerous texts and rang the number)when i confronted my b.f again he denied it but then went drinkin and stayed out all night.We ended up splittin up over it all but after a while got back together as we have 3 children. He knows he hasnt EVER to text her or receive texts off her agin or our relationship will be OVER for good. The worst part was she was single so she had nothing to lose, the woman your partner is textin is with someone so i would ring her and tell her straight "iF you carry on i will tell your partner" and hopefull this will scare her into ending it. If she doesnt i would give your partner and ultimatum "STOP" or we are through. Hope everything works out for you. x
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A
female
reader, AskEve +, writes (3 March 2007):
 He's had other women friends before and you've been fine with that but there's "something about this one" you say. I would GO with your gut instinct. She needs to stop texting your husband. Here's the deal!
Your husband likes the attention and all the more so because you and him aren't getting on as well at home (because of all this.) Firstly, he needs to take her phone number off his cell phone. Next, (if he really values his marriage the way he says he does) he needs to talk to her and tell her no more texts and no more phone calls. This is where you come in... you need to get that spice back into your relationship again. You can't be around him as often as you'd like so text him and tell him that. Even during your commuting, send him some sexy messages to get him going! Tell him how much you miss him and what you're going to do to him next time you get intimate. Leave notes for him to find, on his pillow, in his bag, in his pockets, in his shoes! On the fridge, anywhere you know he looks! "I miss you already," "when I think of last night (sex) I smile," "When I get home you're in for a treat," "I love your sexy butt," "nobody does it like you do." All these little notes will boost his ego, make him want you and of course make him think of you.
Trust him more, don't give him any more pressure and spice up your love life again. Kiss him when you pass him in the kitchen (a big smackeroo on the lips for no reason.) Slap his butt as you pass, wink at him seductively, lick your lips, all this will work wonders to whet his appetite and interest again. Remember, relationships need to be worked at, they don't just run smoothly on their own. Effort needs to be put in from both sides!
Try these suggestions and make sure he takes her number off his cell. If need be, he CHANGES his number (if she continues to call.) That way he won't need some other woman to boost his ego when he has YOU! :o)
Eve
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